“SOMEPEOPLETHINK” This Is My Other, Other Benz Blog

I started another blog to update the world at large of my Brooklyn community. Well, one individual in particular that is imperative to our collective safety, quality of living and amusement. See it and enjoy here:




Death to SPT?

We haven’t posted in awhile. This I know. This we all know. But I promise it is not to death to SPT. Not on my watch. There are things in this world I will fight to keep alive, and this is one of them. In honor of our nondeath, I proclaim death to other things.


"I hate Thursdays."

Vaguebooking, if you’re unfamiliar with it, is the act of posting vague things on your facebook in attempt to elicit sympathy. “Long day, I need the weekend,” “I just need one break,” “Worse day ever!!” and anything involving “FML” are all good examples. I’d rather see any humblebrag of minor celebrity run-ins or pictures of delicious looking food any day than Vaguebooking. So Death to Vaguebooking!!


I never was a huge NFL fan, but I’m glad this lockout is over. Mainly so people will stop talking about it. But also because the sport is great and so many people love it. GO RAIDERS and Death To The Lockout!


Let’s all admit it: Google+ was a cool idea and seemed really cool when it came out. But now? It’s just another social media site we all don’t want to update along with our other 2, 3, 4, or however many else you have. It’s cool and all, but I think it’s done. Death To Google+!


"I don't believe in dentistry or paying taxes"

We get it. You bought into the counterculture culture of counterculturedom to show you have your own culture. You like your lensless clear Ray-Bans. You like Band X and Band Y and this and that and whatever else we all know about Hipsters. It’s time for the next trend. Really. I can only hope it involves something stripper chic and tennis visors. Death to Hipsterdom!


As the Women’s World Cup proved, Women’s sports can be interesting and entertaining. I think we all agree they’re not the same as the big boy sports (ones with dudes) but they have their own place. Stop hating on them because it’s cool. I admit, I’m minorly guilty of this but fuck it, I endorse women’s sports if only to watch them on mute. Especially women’s beach volleyball (Misty May-Treanor and Kerri Walsh baby!!) Death to Women’s Sports Haterdom!

That’s the list for now. SPT isn’t on it. Because we’re still here.

Continue to enjoy our shit.


SomePeopleThink Our. Work. Is Never. Over.

I just found this sick app called iDaft. If you like Daft Punk, and I suspect you do cause you’re online reading a blog and not watching Glenn Beck on TV, you’ll like it.

It’s basically an app where you get to custom-DJ the group’s songs. It’s an iPhone/iPad app (FREE!!) as well, but below are the links to the site. You can record them and share on YouTube, I believe, if you’re so inclined.

So far I’ve only found two songs that you’re able to use/play with, but the site states they’re going to be adding more soon.

Harder, Better, Faster, Stronger


TRON on.

Can you feel it?

SomePeopleThink Workaholics is Great

I just heard about the Comedy Central Show Workaholics. Needless to say, it’s hilarious. The premise is that it’s 3 20-something underachievers at work. Sounds cliche and terrible, but I tell you it’s not. If you’ve seen the show, you already know and love this little bit. If not, enjoy and start watching it. It’s OnDemand and season 2 is already in production. Enjoy this clip on YouTube.


Workaholics Clip on YouTube

Some People Think Social Networking Changed with America

Social networking. It’s kinda like a big deal. Every company wants to make money off it because nearly every person is a part of it. There’s the whole privacy vs. information innovation battle. There’s always new ways to reach consumers. There’s even ways to tell your friends where you are at all times (remember when Facebook’s newsfeed was stalkerish?). I just wanna take a minute and look back at it’s origins and where I think it’s headed. Cause I think it parallels our country’s evolution from the ‘90s to today.

Remember the first Real World?

I don't know any of them.

Me neither cause I’m not an old fuck! Just kidding, but I am too young. Anyways, it was a simple idea: put strangers in a house and people will watch. That’s kinda like AOL, which I consider to be the origin of social networking. It was a simple concept: put everyone in one online room, and people will pay. Their CD mailing program was a great way to get people hooked as well, and plus now if you have the packaging they make good retro coasters. Anyways, everyone and their fucking mom had AOL. Hell, everyone’s mom still has AOL. It had email, yes, but it also had IM, chatrooms and more. You’d just log on with that cccrrrrhhhh  rrrrrrrrrrrhhhhhh di-duummm di-dummm modem sound and you were in touch with your friends. It was also the beginnings of the widespread use of smileys and shit like 143, lol, and <3.

aol? more like lol

It was the first time we could all connect and share things with each other from remote locations on a mass scale. And at low cost. It was the dawn of many people having an email address and screenname. It was also the dawn of Slingo and A/S/L. Praise Jesus for that. AOL really changed the country’s mindset towards the internet, online interaction and what we could and couldn’t do online. Before AOL, the internet was something you had heard about and maybe seen but it was so slow you didn’t even care. The technical growth along with AOL really formed the base of social networking for years to come.

I consider the next step to be MySpace, since each user had their own page, separating themselves from the rest of the pack. It was the dawn of the internet persona—real or fake, up to you. When people visited your page, they saw a glimpse of who you were, from color schemes, your bio and, of course, whatever shitty music you loved that you forced people to listen to. It was a way of the powerless exerting what little power they could through some terrible Coheed and Cambria song. But I fucking digress. This was completely reflective of the ‘90s thought process of individuality to the extreme.

He tried to look cool. He failed.

Facebook expanded on this model and thankfully discarded the music-playing bit. Everyone had their own page and whatnot, but Facebook did and continues to innovate on a level really unparalleled by anyone but Google. Soon after their launch, they added photos, changed layouts, added the newsfeed, mobile functionality, video uploads, etc. You name it, Facebook could pretty much do it. Maybe short of a nice massage. Obviously their updates have been met with mixed results, but overall it’s generally positive. We all know this. However at this point in time, Facebook is pretty impersonal. It’s changed from a network of college kids trying to see who is going to their school to nearly everyone in America and many the world over.

Consequently, we all friend people that we’re not really friends with. This is a point I will expand on later as well. “Oh, I worked with this guy once, I guess I’ll friend him” or “Oh yeah, that girl is cute, I should friend her,” or “Yeah, that’s Paul’s friend so I guess I’ll friend him.” It’s become a loose network of half-friends that we have a hard time sorting through. “What do I tell to who?” is the major question that social networking struggles with. It’s the main rift between real life and virtual life. When you’re with your friends in the real world, you have your inside jokes and things you appreciate together. But these things don’t necessarily resonate with all your friends and may even upset some of them, especially employers. We all know this. Shit, even Google knows it as they’re trying to compete with Facebook with Circles, a platform that’ll let you have different social circles—a la the Circle of Trust from Meet The Parents—who you share information with. But it’s still a struggle.

Another major problem with Facebook is its ubiquity. Yes, it’s great that most people you know (if you’re of my generation) are on fb, but it’s also pretty annoying. Your newsfeed is part annoying complaints “UGGGHHH I HATE SNOW!!”, part shameless plugs for money “Raising money for  ______!!”, part virus links that promise to show you who views your profile, and part pleas for attending events like, “Come see me grow grass outside for 18 hours!” Any major news that people once shared with their tight knit group of friends on facebook isn’t always something they want to share with everyone.

So Facebook’s purposes are much more compartmentalized, which makes it confusing and tiresome. The change in Facebook, like AOL and MySpace before it, also mimicked a cultural shift. Clearly after about a decade of being online America was used to sharing things. Facebook just took it to another level with what you could share and who you shared it with. But now, since it’s been so satiated, it’s become yet another thing you have to sort through to get to the good stuff, just like TV and email before it. Not only is this a comment on social networking but really American culture in general.

When I took German in college, my professor remarked that Americans have many more friends than Europeans, but aren’t as close with them. In Germany you have maybe 20 people you use a certain word for “friend” for and the rest are just people you know. Here everyone is just a friend, with the same title regardless of whether you saw them piss themselves in kindergarten. The same applies to Facebook. There’s no tiers of friends, everyone is the same.

Now, enter Twitter. I believe this is the most perfect form of social networking we have right now. It’s biggest selling point is its length, or lack thereof. It’s succinct, which makes it optimal for the trend of not only on-the-go social networking, but on-the-go lifestyle. Americans are constantly in motion and need everything, everywhere, always. You can also control who follows you, if you want, and it’s not as big of a deal if you deny someone as it is with Facebook. Twitter is also a direct connection to celebrities and companies’ customer service. These attributes combine—sadly enough—to fill two core 21st century American values of celebrity-worship and entitlement.

We’ve not only become a more online-savvy and –dependant culture, but we’ve also become more entitled and impatient. We used to connect at 28K and were fine with it but now even at speeds 5x faster, we complain. I don’t want to dwell on this too much, but we have become much more impatient of a culture. Greg Giraldo has a joke about restaurant staffs singing birthday songs to people, “That used to be for children at Chuck E Cheese. Now you can go to any restaurant, ‘HEYY IT’S MY BIRTHDAY DANCE AROUND OR SOMETHIN!’” The same goes for our social networking.


This all adds up to the 21st century American social networking experience. Quick, impersonal, star-studded, entertaining, entitled. We wanna know everything instantly, yet we aren’t satisfied with it. Still, it can work as a way of reaching businesses, sharing ideas, music and more and also just simply staying in touch. It’s the best we have right now and is still pretty fun.

In the future, I think a mixture between the brief nature of Twitter and the ubiquity of Facebook—with easier and better privacy controls—is the optimal social networking option. Clearly people want to be online, and say whatever they want. However, the less time they spend censoring themselves and wondering who sees what, they more time they’ll actually spend on sharing things. Which is good for both users and business as they can sell more ad space. A model like Twitter that helps you reach a bigger audience and automatically either adjusts what you say or filters much better than Facebook is the next step. Something that can analyze what you say and decide who to send it to, without you even telling it to.

I think something will come and replace Twitter as the go-to social networking site. Yes, Facebook is the biggest, but I think it’s kind of played out. People will continue to use it but the novelty is certainly gone, and that’s part of the allure in America. Also, the privacy issues have been cumbersome and slow to resolve, and now that anyone can get one there’s no cache. We all think we belong in the VIP line, when clearly, we don’t. Sir, you work at McDonald’s and drive a ’96 Camry. Check yoself.

Maybe this is all one big ramble, but I think the change in the nature and format of social networking mimics the cultural shift of the USA of the ’90s to the USA of the ’00s and ’10s.

Some People Think Baseball’s In The Name

It’s that time of year.

No, not MayFest.

It’s time for baseball. Spring training is over, as are Opening Day and Opening Week. We’re already in full baseball swing and whether you like the sport or not, it has a lot to offer. Like Ozzy Guillen’s antics, the legendary Bob Uecker or if you’re a babe, Derek Jeter (omg he’s like, still hot). It also offers many funny names and has historically since its beginning . I’ve compiled a list of a few of my favorites below. Enjoy these humorous handles:

Jarrod Saltalamacchia – Fun name, cool nickname (Salty) & takes up a ton of room on the jersey.

And you thought you had trouble spelling your name in 1st grade.

J.J. Putz – I think I’d appreciate this guy’s name more if I were Jewish, but it’s still a great name and he lives up to the billing with that stupid soulpatch.


Coco Crisp – Even though it’s not his real name, it’s still hilarious if your team has a cereal in center field. And he even helped the Red Sucks on their way to the World Series title in 2007. So I guess you can say kudos to Coco.

"I hope that's 2%! I specifically asked for 2%!!!"

Milton Bradley – While the player is always controversial, his name is near and dear to kids everywhere. Operation, Battleship, Life, Candyland; who couldn’t love a guy with that name? (Well, umpires Larry Vanover and Mike Winters, Cubs fans, Cubs GM Jim Hendrey, former Indians manager Eric Wedge and Royals announcer Ryan Lefebvre…but who’s counting?)

And yeah, he literally just got tossed out of a Mariners game as I wrote this post.

How can a guy with such a fun name be so angry?

Mike Sweeney – Say it fast. You’ll get it.

You had a rough childhood, didn't you?

Dick Pole – In the same vein (pause) as Sweeney, but taken an inch further (pause).

...aaaand Beavers for the win.

Johnny Dickshot – Let’s round out this trio of nether region-related names with the best of the bunch.

I think he has videos online. What? Those aren't his?

Antonio Bastardo – A man whose name would have been blasphemy in baseball’s early days. Currently, he’s 1-0 with a 0.87 ERA for the Phils. Babies born out of wedlock be damned.

Johnny Dangerously remake, anyone?

Harmon Killebrew – SHOTGUN!!!!! FRATERNITY!!!! BEER!!!!! CHUGGGGG!!!!!!!!!!!! GAHHHH!!!!!

Drink if your name ends in illebrew.

Rollie Fingers – Okay, besides the majestic mustache, Rollie’s name also doubles as a question.

No stopping me this time, Smee!

Rusty Kuntz – Do you really need a snarky joke here?

His face just screams "THAT THING NEEDS OIL!!!"

Melky Cabrera – Only because as a friend once screamed from the bleachers of Old Yankee Stadium, “I HAVE NIPPLES GREG, CAN YA MELK ME!?!?!” And because how could I not include a Yankee or two on this list?

The MelkMan Delivers!

Goose Gossage – Probably the most famous Goose of all time, other than the character from Top Gun. Or one of my fraternity brothers infamous for a lot of things, one being him saying “chili” after most coherent thoughts.

"But Daddy, I want a Golden Goose nowwwww!!!!!"

Phil Coke – Rounding out a trio of ex-Yankees, Phil Coke is probably my favorite Yankee name of all time. His name was a shitton of fun to make fake NYPost headlines with, like “Girardi Uses Coke in 8th,” “Coke Overdose Leads to Bloody 7th,” or “Yankees Trade Coke for Cash, Player To Be Named Later.” You are missed, sir. Somehow Freddy Garcia and Lance Pendleton just don’t fill the comedic void.

Sometimes art imitates names.

Heinie Manush – Digging deep into the annals of baseball history for this one (pause).  Heinie Manush was a Hall of Fame outfielder who played mostly with Detroit and Washington. His nickname, while common at the time, holds up well today for a laugh. An immature and hilarious laugh. 7-year-olds everywhere UNITE!

Fun Fact: his name also rhymes with "tush"

Madison Bumgarner – I mean, it’s pretty obvious. Plus he has a girl’s name.

Bumgarner, (n) def: One who garners bums

Grady Sizemore – Proud name for a guy. Good thing, seeing that Little Grady was plastered all over the internet after a crazy chick hacked his girlfriend’s email and posted nude pics of him online.

Two funny-in-hindsight things of note: The quote under the title, and the shameful Clemens news at the top

Who do you think has the best name? Vote below.

I’d like to thank The Gelb, McBeezy, The Great Mikesby and Piff for collaborating on this.


Ralph Pierre “Pete” LaCock – A 1st baseman mainly with the Cubs and Royals, known for hitting a grand slam on the last pitch ever thrown by Bob Gibson. Also know for having an aristocratic twist to his name. Thanks to reader Steve for the heads up.

For an elegant evening, try the '76 LaCock

Also, to answer 48colorrainbow‘s question: Coco Crisp has gone by “Coco” since AA ball professionally. It was a nickname from his siblings that stuck with him.

Some People Think NSFW Should be Outlawed (NSFW)

Some People think NSFW should be an obsolete idea to be excised from the corporate world. Personally, I’m glad I work in an industry where I’m allowed to do a lot of things most others can’t do at work. I can use facebook and Twitter, sometimes I even use it for work. No websites are blocked and we have an arcade machine in our break room. No dog or ping pong table, but clearly working in T.V. has its perks. So when I worked at my dad’s office in December, inputting product dimensions into their website, it made me realize that the way most businesses handle outside information like Facebook, Gmail, etc. is antiquated.

Far too many businesses view them as distractions, which is not the way most people perceive them. Employees only view them as distractions because they are conditioned to do so by their employers. It’s viewed as “cheating” or “sticking it to the man.” But if more employers were as progressive as, say, Google, I think it would do a lot of good for business.

First, when people are starting to space out at their desk they’ll take a break regardless of the availability of websites, etc. However, if you let them check their fantasy football team or do whatever else they want to do, people are generally more inclined to work harder when they do work. Isn’t the real motto of America not “E Pluribus Unum” but “Work hard, play hard?” (Greek Life UNITE!). Why not at work? (Within reason of course, porn probably shouldn’t be consumed at work. Unless you work at Vivid. Then Faye Valentine away until the sun goes down.)

Not only does it boost morale, but letting your people wander online can also help business directly. A teacher who’s teaching history could see an online article revising something that her 2-year-old textbook states, as she’s teaching it. An Ad man could stumble upon a competitor’s campaign and either scrap a similar one he’s been working on, or be inspired to write something better for his client.

An example from my own experience: I was GChatting with a friend and my producer mentioned we needed a photographer for a segment in an episode. So I mentioned that to who I was chatting with and got in touch with one of his friends. We didn’t end up using him but now I have an extra contact in my network. Additionally, I understand my business is different than most but thinking about things outside of work can help you “think outside the box” to use BusinessSpeak. It can lead you to places you wouldn’t have ventured without it, spur creativity and help the company’s bottom line.

I’ve recently been getting into Mad Men and it’s a great example of this cultural ideology. Clearly, it’s a little extreme with the drinking at work and the sexual harassment, but it shows how giving your employees a clear berth can be beneficial. Don Draper doesn’t give a shit if you drink at work, pass out and wake up 5 minutes before your presentation, as long as you nail it. Likewise, if your company has deadlines for employees and they enforce them, who cares how employees get their work done as long as it gets done and is up to par? Too many companies are Big Brother-y, and in the immortal words of one Erick Posser,  need to “REELLAAAAXXX.”

As an added bonus, there’s even new government legislation that entices businesses to not only chase profits but also keep their employees, or even the environment, in mind when making decisions.  Such “B Corporations” include King Arthur Flour, the 2nd largest flour-making company in America, and are immune from lawsuits by shareholders based on profit grounds. This basically translates to shareholders being unable to sue when companies make decisions that favor their employees over their bottom line. While this legislation is available in only 4 states, it’s a good start in making businesses legitimately tolerable places to spend ¾ of your waking hours of the week.

Maybe I’m just spoiled working in the industry I work in, but I think everyone should be allowed to surf the web and otherwise kill time to their desire at work as long as their work is quality and on time. Work hard, play hard.

Oh yeah: I promised this post would be NSFW so here:

You can read more about B Corp’s on the New York Times website here:



Some People Think Death is Many Things

I’m writing this in response to Mike’s previous post about death. Death is a strange thing. It can frighten you with its sudden arrival or slowly gain on you like the tortoise on the hare. It wears many faces and comes in many forms but the one thing it cannot do is leave you alone. Death affects us all, directly or indirectly. We all have to face it ourselves sometime as well. And be that a cliche and completely strange if spoken aloud, it’s nonetheless a question we all struggle to answer.

Mike’s experience is not uncommon, I’m sure, as we all have dealt with the loss of those unknown to us (in his case, his coworker), known publicly (Michael Jackson for one), or for some of us those near and dear to us. And while it is a difficult thing to deal with, it should not have to consume you.

My dad died in September. I don’t know how to write about this without sounding like I’m fishing for pity, or extolling hyperbole as a means to convey the gravity of such an event. It’s not fun by any means. But through time you see the bigger picture. You understand things better and appreciate things more. Like Mike’s morning shit at work. That’s a thing of beauty! I too look forward to grabbing my BlackBerry and getting on UberSocial to see what I’ve missed in the 28 minutes since I last checked it, WHILE AT THE SAME MIRACULOUS TIME, performing a base–and satisfying–human function. Or just smelling the salt in the air at the beach, and hearing a quiet gust of wind as you lay on your stomach in the warm rays of the California sun. Things like these are how death can help reaffirm life. Yes, death isn’t fun but as Ra Ra Riot knows, it is fine. It’s part of the human experience. And while dealing with loss is dark, eventually it directs you back to the brightness of life.

Death can also refocus you in ways you never thought possible. Before my Dad passed, besides dealing with his illness, I was in some sort of suspended, closed circuit of thought. It could be that I’m still just getting into my industry and on the tail end of learning the basic ropes. Or it could have been that while mired in everything that goes with such an experience, I forgot to look at life through the eyes of the living. I was uberfocused on minutia and maybe even focused on the wrong things. But death made me take a step back and look differently at things, maybe even everything. I’m not saying we all have to think about our mortality 24/7 or give more than even a passing thought every now and then. But when you do think about it, it makes you realize where you are and where you want to go. And goddamn it if you’re not gonna try harder to get there, if only to have a lasting legacy after your time has passed. Focus can be easily lost but even in the darkest of times be regained.

To continue my persuasive essay on why death can become a positive force in life in English, press 1. Para continuar en español, presione dos.

Glad you pressed 1, cause I don’t know Spanish. Let me share one more anecdote about death and life before I leave you to your own thoughts on the matter. When I was in college, there was an incident where a man I didn’t know was badly injured. He was very, very drunk and long story short, he injured himself by falling a ways onto his head. When I came up on him laying on the ground, his shirt was covered in blood. The blood was coming from his ears and nose. I thought to myself, “This guy is either already dead or will be dead before we can get him medical treatment.” I had never seen someone die in front of me before. But I, and a few others, approached him nonetheless.

When I went to touch him, his temperature was a little cool. However, he was breathing softly and was still alive with a faint pulse. I tore my shirt off and wiped the blood off his face and arms and waited for the ambulance to arrive. I vaguely remember them taking him away and literally don’t remember anything else except smoking a cigarette (partly because I was also inebriated, but probably because my mind blacked it out). But that image of a bloodied pile of a man really stuck with me. Here was a man, inches from death, and here I was immediately assessing the situation and helping in any way I could. I’m not saying I’m a hero (I won’t stop you though), but when you’re faced with death you see who you really are. Like my favorite quote from Rounders: “Life is on the wire, the rest is just waiting.” Death can illuminate parts of life you didn’t even know existed. (The guy eventually recovered and somehow made it out just fine.)

That’s pretty much everything I have on death as of right now. It’s not fun but it can be helpful, informative and reflective. Though not the most fun or appealing thing to deal with, it can truly help us become richer individuals. I’m not religious and I don’t know what awaits us after life here on Earth. But whatever it is, I have two thoughts. Okay 3.

1) Let’s fucking party while we’re here. I mean that in every lewd, fun, id-gratifying way possible. Yes, be responsible in life and work and achieve and all those adult things we know successful people are doing. But party.

2) Appreciate everything. That’s not to say you should indulge in a little assault & battery or grand theft. But try new things and never stop learning. My 70-something year old friend Wolfgang has taken up learning Spanish. Carpe that fucking diem.

2) Leave something behind you. A legacy whether verbal, legal, written, musical, financial, human or otherwise is how we are remembered. So whatever you do, do it big and do it well.

I don’t know if this helps elucidate anything about Mike’s post, but I think it addresses some of its concerns. Yes Mike, life is fragile. But it’s also beautiful so we should celebrate it while we have it.


Some People Think Sex & Drugs & House Needed a Remix and That They (and Jameson) Were The Man To Do It

As a retarded guy once yelled to me while peeing in the urinal adjacent to mine: “YO!…..SUP?” I’m shmek. This is my first post on here, the first of many to come. I hope you find them funny ’cause I sure as Hell do. To begin, I think you should know a few things about me. MLA citations for joke ideas from friends are kind of my thing. I’m a Yankees fan. I never take anything too seriously and neither should you; I write jokes so don’t be oversensitive. About anything. I’m a firm believer that everything is fair game and so is the Supreme Court (Lyle v. Warner Bros. Television Productions). So there’s that.

For my work on this blog, I thought I’d start with something I’ve had in my head for about 3 years that I finally got around to doing: a remix of D-Devils’ “Sex & Drugs & House.” There’s certainly a theme and if you’re a basketball fan, you’ll really enjoy it….otherwise you’ll just kind of enjoy it. Either way this is the first of many humorous (not to toot my own horn…but fuckin’ TOOT TOOT) ideas from my head that you can digest. Enjoy.

NOTE: You need to really bump this song. LOUD. I don’t know how to make it so you can download it from here, but make it loud!!!

D-Devils – Sex & Drugs & House (shmek Remix)

Afterword: An alternate title for this post is “Because Every Hero (or Minor NBA Roleplayer) Needs a Theme Song.” I had this idea that everyone in the NBA should have their own theme song, so why not Eddie? I’m not even a Celtics fan and I hate the Red Sox, but I always liked Eddie. Probably cause he played a similar game to how I played in CYO: spark plug off the bench, shooter, defense. So this came out of that. I also wanted to go to Celtics games and sell shirts that had “Sex & Drugs &” on the front and his jersey name and number on the back, but never did that either. Guess I’m a lazy fuck. Anyways, hope you enjoy this shit and I will see you again very soon.


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