Things I’ve Learned from “Watch the Throne”…or SomePeopleThink White People are the Problem

This past Monday, at midnight, “Watch the Throne”, the highly anticipated album from Kanye and Jay-Z, became available on iTunes. On Tuesday, I downloaded it illegally and have been listening to it non-stop ever since. I literally have not listened to anything else (save for some Disco Biscuits, courtesy of my dirty hippie boyfriend).

I can't even think of a joke for the absurdity of this album cover.

Anyways, I was first going to write a review of the album for this post but then realized there probably isn’t a whole lot more for me to say that hasn’t been said already. Google “Watch the Throne reviews” and you’ll come up with a whole lot of reviews written by much more musically-knowledgeable, articulate people (now is the time for a sympathy comment – “Jenny, you’re so smart and pretty!” Perfect.)

So, rather than a review, I’m going to write a listicle (list + article, Google that shit) for this post: Things I’ve Learned from “Watch the Throne”…or Some People Think White People are the Problem.

1. Kanye and Jay-Z are rich. Like really, really rich. And they really, really want us to know it. Now, rappers have been displaying extravagant, and often tacky, wealth for decades. One of my all-time favorite music videos, Biggie’s “Hypnotize”, has P. Diddy and Big on a yacht, spilling Cristal all over hundred dollar bills, then throwing more bills into the wind. This is – how you say – ridiculous.

But on this album, Kanye and Jay-Z have stepped up their game, not only with the amount of high-cost items they casually throw into their lyrics, but with the high-culture value of these items.

Doing just a quick survey of the lyrics from the album, the following are mentioned (and I will say, I didn’t even know what the hell many of these things were. Thank you, Google and Urban Dictionary, without whom this post could never have been possible):

Yachts, Louboutin slippers, Hummers, Rolls-Royce Corniches, black Maybachs, 1985 white Lamborghini Countach (2 of ‘em), Polo, Manolo, Lanvin thousand dollar tee with no logos, oversized Rollies, big face Rollies, Dries, sheepskin coats, no cheap cologne, the Black Card, Gucci, Audemars (hidden behind all these big rocks), gold bottles, Louie, Margiela, my other Benz (and my other, other Benz), G450, Hermes, marble floors, champagne, Grey Goose, cases of Ciroc, Porsche 911, black cars, so many watches I need eight arms, no limit on the Black Card

2. Kanye and Jay-Z are cultured. While ‘Ye and Jay want us to know they have more watches then any freakin’ human being should ever have, they also want to be quite clear that they are more cultured than any of us will ever be.

As Jay raps on “Illest Motherfucker Alive”:

Basquiats, Warhols serving as my muses
My house is like a museum so I see ‘em when I’m peeing
Usually you have this much taste you European

There are mentions of Picassos, boutique stores in Paris, Larry Gagosian, Le Meurice, Rothkos, the Mona Lisa, the MOMA, the Coliseum, Plato, owning 5 passports (though to be honest, this seems a bit of a liability), et cetera.

3. White people are most certainly the problem. After Kanye’s appearance on the Hurricane Katrina telethon, we all finally knew that “George Bush doesn’t care about black people”. What ‘Ye wants us to remember with this album is that it’s not just George Bush, but really all white people. We just suck altogether, and I really couldn’t agree more.

(skip to 1:33 for the best pop culture moment of the past decade)

A few of my favorite black-power lyrics from the album:

White America, assassinate my character –“Gotta Have It”

Heard Yeezy was racist, well, I guess that’s on one basis
I only like green faces –“Who Gon Stop Me”

In the past if you picture events like a black tie
What the last thing you expect to see, black guys? –“Murder to Excellence”

Only spot a few blacks the higher I go
What’s up to Will. Shout out to O.
That ain’t enough…we gonna need a million more –“Murder to Excellence”

And my all-time favorite, with Kanye rapping about his future son:

I mean I might even make him be Republican
So everybody know he love white people –“New Day”

4. Kanye and Jay-Z have a softer side. One of my favorite songs on the album, “New Day”, has ‘Ye and Jay singing to their future sons. (Of course, irony suggests that they will both be blessed with three or more daughters). The song is very sweet and reminds us that even bazillionaire rappers have feelings too, goddamnit!

5. Kanye and Jay-Z are interested in helping the economy. With the crazy American economy this week, “Watch the Throne” really couldn’t have dropped at a better time. Americans are freaking out, nobody has jobs, and who better to figure out how to stabilize the volatile markets than these two moguls? So, my dear readers, I leave you with these words of wisdom from Jay-Z, who may just be the Warren Buffet of our generation…

Mmm. Yummy.

I hit the club, order some Grey Goose
Switched it for Ciroc to give Puff’s stock a boost –“Primetime”

Peace and love,


SomePeopleThink I’m The World’s Worst Blogger

Don't worry Max, I'm sure Piff will blog again soon

Yep, that about says it. I’m like a neglectful father, I start realizing I haven’t been around in a while and that causes me to stay away even more. It’s awful, I know. I’m an absentee blogger, and I’m sorry for that. And I don’t promise I’ll get any better either. I’ll just end up breaking your heart again like Max in Liar Liar. So enjoy me while I’m here, faithful SPT readers.

At any rate I realized recently that somehow I went from listening to almost exclusively hip hop, to mostly electronic music. I don’t know how it started, but having Sirius radio in my new car definitely perpetuated it (especially BPM, get on BPM if you have Sirius). Its bad news for my downstairs neighbors, but good news for anyone who wants some more techno. Below are my most recent and most played songs of the last few weeks. As always I’ve mixed a few old in there as well to keep the balance. Hope you enjoy:


Pressure (Alesso Remix) – Nadia Ali, Starkillers & Alex Kenji

Feel It – Ferry Corsten

Call My Name (Spencer Hill Remix) – Sultan Ned & Shepard feat. Nadia Ali

Feel So Close – Calvin Harris

Penguin + ID – Avicci

Forever Is Over (Vibekidz Remix) – Basslovers United 

Starry Eyed (Russ Chimes Radio Edit) – Ellie Goulding

Happy Summer


SomePeopleThink This Is Why Americans Are Fat

I came across Epic Meal Time a few months ago, when it came up on a friend’s Facebook newsfeed. My friend quickly shared it with me, knowing that any video on Youtube with a couple million views – good or bad – will always catch my attention (as my internet wet dream is to have a viral video of my very own).

I proceeded to watch every video that Epic Meal Time had posted. Ranging from 2-5 minutes, the videos feature a group of six inebriated, 20-something Canadian guys, cooking the most outrageously gluttonous food you’ve ever seen and never could imagine.

A 100,000 calorie burger, nicknamed the “Ben Rothlisburger”. Their take on the turducken, but with 5 birds and a pig. Four loko chili. Bacon-covered, Jack Daniels-drowned everything. Epic Meal Time intelligently parodies the locavor movement, on their organically sustainable high-horses, with meat, meat and more meat.

Now beware, I’ve shared these videos with friends and co-workers, and there’s been some mixed reactions. Granted, it is pretty filthy watching a wasted guy (nicknamed “Muscles Glasses”, a wonderfully ironic moniker) eat chili with a paddle. But the inventive ideas and surprising knowledge of cooking is certainly worth it.

My advice? Start from the earliest videos and watch through to today. There’s an interesting progression in the scale of the recipes and the desire to monetize.

Because isn’t that the question, ultimately? How to transform a viral video sensation into a lucrative business venture (or at least make a couple bucks from the 5 million viewers freely watching your content). In a recent video, several seconds were dedicated to shilling for Gamefly, offering a promotion for viewers who visited I’ve also read some articles suggesting the possibility of an Epic Meal Time television show, though I’m not sure about squeezing another 25-27 minutes out of this concept each week.

For now, though, I’m content to follow the Epic Meal Time gang, as they eat lamb heads and get wasted.

SomePeopleThink Lindsay Lohan is a Hollywood Train Wreck

And while I agree, I do think there’s a bit more to the story that’s worth looking at.

Imagine you’re 16 years old again. You have your own apartment in Los Angeles, a sweet Mercedes SLK convertible and a few million dollars in the bank. You have a 24 year old boyfriend. Your mom, whose income relies directly on your own, lives 2,500 miles away. Your dad is in jail. Your face is a rotating fixture on US Weekly, Perez Hilton and TMZ.

Now, I can only imagine that this being Los Angeles (and Shmekie – please correct me if I’m wrong), you also have every grimy, sleazy club promoter dude, with his top two shirt buttons open, trying to lure you into the VIP section, bribing you with Grey Goose, Red Bull and all the free trips to the bathroom you care to consume.

What would you do?

This is what happens when you date Wilmer Valderrama.

Lindsay Lohan did this: Two DUIs, Possession of a controlled substance, driving with a suspended license, grand theft, reckless driving, three stints in jail, four to rehab, and countless accusations of theft, drug abuse and assault.

I hate to say it, but if I had been in Lindsay’s position, I’d probably be in at least half the trouble she’s in right now. I can’t imagine that most 16 year olds could be thrown into that position and come out half decent. But why is it that Lindsay Lohan – who, when you take a look at child actors over the years, is really no exception – takes so much of the flak?

Like Lindsay, Shia LaBeouf began his career at 10 years old on the Disney Channel. At 18 years old, he bought his own home in Los Angeles. He and Lindsay are now both 24.

In 2007, the same year Lindsay’s legal problems began, Shia refused to leave a Chicago Walgreens. I can kind of understand refusing to leave, say, a Crate & Barrel – the sofas are really comfy – but a Walgreens? What could possibly be all that interesting in there? Anyhoo, arrest #1 for misdemeanor criminal trespassing.

In 2008, Shia received a ticket for unlawful smoking (again, another idiotic reason to ever be involved with law enforcement). He then failed to appear in court for the ticket and a bench warrant was issued for his arrest.

Smoking outside is illegal now? So. Lame.

Later in 2008, Shia’s car was hit by a vehicle that ran a red light. It was 3am and when the police smelled alcohol on Shia’s breath, and the kid refused a breathalyzer, they arrested him for misdemeanor drunk driving. His driver’s license was suspended for a year.

And finally, in 2011, Shia got into a fight outside a bar in Sherman Oaks. While he was handcuffed by LAPD, no arrest was made.

Now let’s go look at Searching “Lindsay Lohan” on the celebrity gossip site yields 1,430 articles, 657 photos and 669 videos. Searching “Shia LaBeouf” returns 23 articles, 16 photos and 15 videos.

This could all be because Shia’s last name is nearly impossible to spell, but there’s probably something more to it. Is it gender? Are we more interested in the “bad girl”, while we expect this type of behavior from the “bad boy”? Is it the drugs? The constant cocaine rumors surrounding Lindsay, while Shia’s legal troubles stem from alcohol and cigarettes? Also, let’s keep in mind that Lindsay was f’ing hilarious in Mean Girls, and Wall Street 2: Money Never Dies was the worst movie ever made.

This movie is the opposite of #WINNING.

I don’t really have an answer to any of this. My gut tells me it’s the gender thing, but I hate to get all feminist up in hurr.



shmek EDIT:

As far as the sleazeball dragging you into the VIP section, personally I’ve never been pulled into a booth with promises of Patron, pills and pre-teen pregnancy. But then again I am no Lindsay Lohan. However it’s definitely safe to say there’s enough d-bags trying to rape things in L.A. to back up your assumptions; it has its vices and distractions maybe almost as many as Las Vegas.

Also I think the reason Lindsay is so highly disliked is because she’s a better actor than Shia. Mean Girls was hilarious and even in The Parent Trap, we all collectively sensed this little redhead had something in her (pedophilic pause). Shia just craps out movies like Holes, Eagle Eye, or Transformers nonsense. Don’t even bring up the 4th Indiana Jones. So when she crapped the bed, it sucked more than if Shia did anything, ever. Good or bad. It’s like when Heath Ledger died, we were all heartbroken. But if Steve-O died tomorrow, we’d all be sad and then move on. Your level of artistry is reflected in America’s attention span for you.

SomePeopleThink Lizzy Caplan is Your New Favorite Actress

So, I’ve been asked to add a bit of estrogen to Some People Think. Well, not sure I was technically asked…But like most things in my life, I’m offering my goods for free (hmm, that didn’t come out right).

As a human with a vagina, who is often surrounded by penises (gosh, this is just NOT sounding at all how it did in my head), I’m often caught in the middle of the gender divide. I find that I get along really well with boys, and have a tendency to see things from a bit more of a male perspective than other 24-year old girls.

But when I really start thinking about what that means, I get confused. I hate beer and don’t know a damn thing about sports, but if you give me a glass of white wine, and at least answer my questions about whichever game happens to be on (how many periods in hockey? What’s a technical foul?), I’m going to be a hell of a lot happier than seeing the newest romantic comedy and discussing which Sex and the City character I am (That is such a Samantha thing to say).

I know what a New York City apartment costs, Carrie. Freelance writer? I'm calling bullshit.

If you’re still reading, this was my long-winded introduction into why some people think Lizzy Caplan is your new favorite actress – for both males and females alike. You may know Miss Caplan as Casey Klein from Starz’ short-lived series Party Down (which, if you haven’t already seen, I couldn’t recommend more highly), and you definitely know her as Janis Ian from Mean Girls.

But what makes Caplan such a wonderfully alluring actress is her ability to seem just as comfortable as both one of the girls and one of the guys. She’s not annoyingly girly (e.g., Kate Hudson in just about anything), and she’s not obnoxiously “one of the guys”.

During Glee last night, (see! I am a good female!) I saw a promo for a new Fox show, “New Girl”. The description on is as follows:

 Jess Day (Zooey Deschanel) is an offbeat and adorable girl in her late 20s who, after a bad breakup, moves in with three single guys. Goofy, positive, vulnerable and honest to a fault, Jess has faith in people, even when she shouldn’t. Although she’s dorky and awkward, she’s comfortable in her own skin.

Now, Zooey Deschanel is annoying for about a million other reasons, but this character seems absolutely insufferable – she’s obnoxiously “one of the guys”. And while most members of the male persuasion might not understand what I’m talking about, I’m hoping the female readers out there do.

Anyways, while I’ve gone a little off-track, but Lizzy Caplan is awesome and I’m excited for what’s to come in her career.

Also, she has big boobs. Always a plus.

Watch Lizzy in this fantastic short:

SomePeopleThink Maybach Music is a Good Look for Wale

"That BoA shit we get paper, death over dishonor" -Wale from Pandemonium

Self Made, Vol. 1 dropped today, and I love Wale on Maybach Music. It allows a great (dare I say underground? No, I don’t think so) young rapper the opportunity to get on tracks with one of the biggest and most popular rappers out there (Rozay!). It will do wonders to expand his fanbase. I dig were this is going as long as he continues building on his creative side, i.e. his mixtape with 9th Wonder, Back to the Feature, and More About Nothing. The problem is, getting caught up in pop rap is way too easy; there is too much fame and money at stake. Thats why on the other hand I am cautiously critical of the move because I fear Wale will end up like Drake (I’m going to get crucified for this, I know); over-saturated and lacking creativity. While I understand that Drake is just about biggest thing in music right now, I also know that I don’t like hip-hop when it’s made just for the charts, I’d rather see collaborative and conceptual mixtapes or albums that try to create new and different music. As you can tell, I’m pretty torn here. With that said, I blew through Self Made, Vol. 1 and am really digging it. Especially Tupac Back, Rise, Pandemonium, Play Your Part, Running Rebels and Big Bank. Take a listen and let me know what you think, the download is below but support hip-hop and buy it from iTunes.


Mayyyyybach Musiiic!

Download the full album here if you’re too cheap to buy it.

SomePeopleThink Charts Speak 1,000 Words

SomePeopleThink charts are best suited for corporate powerpoint presentations. Clearly that’s moronic. No one would read anything if everything could be summed up in charts. Apparently ‘Infographics’ is what people call them nowadays, but let’s just call them pictures with no writing (except for the labels of course). Regardless, the site, “I Love Charts” was recently recommended to me, so I checked it out a few days ago… and man was I happy that I did. If you want to be addicted entertained  for a solid 4 hours, while digesting serious creativity that plays to the top of your intelligence and makes you laugh so hard that LOL mandates a Z on the end, WITHOUT reading – then scope out this site. If I was as witty as these guys, I would just make a chart explaining what I just said to you…


let the procrastination ensue…


Some People Think NSFW Should be Outlawed (NSFW)

Some People think NSFW should be an obsolete idea to be excised from the corporate world. Personally, I’m glad I work in an industry where I’m allowed to do a lot of things most others can’t do at work. I can use facebook and Twitter, sometimes I even use it for work. No websites are blocked and we have an arcade machine in our break room. No dog or ping pong table, but clearly working in T.V. has its perks. So when I worked at my dad’s office in December, inputting product dimensions into their website, it made me realize that the way most businesses handle outside information like Facebook, Gmail, etc. is antiquated.

Far too many businesses view them as distractions, which is not the way most people perceive them. Employees only view them as distractions because they are conditioned to do so by their employers. It’s viewed as “cheating” or “sticking it to the man.” But if more employers were as progressive as, say, Google, I think it would do a lot of good for business.

First, when people are starting to space out at their desk they’ll take a break regardless of the availability of websites, etc. However, if you let them check their fantasy football team or do whatever else they want to do, people are generally more inclined to work harder when they do work. Isn’t the real motto of America not “E Pluribus Unum” but “Work hard, play hard?” (Greek Life UNITE!). Why not at work? (Within reason of course, porn probably shouldn’t be consumed at work. Unless you work at Vivid. Then Faye Valentine away until the sun goes down.)

Not only does it boost morale, but letting your people wander online can also help business directly. A teacher who’s teaching history could see an online article revising something that her 2-year-old textbook states, as she’s teaching it. An Ad man could stumble upon a competitor’s campaign and either scrap a similar one he’s been working on, or be inspired to write something better for his client.

An example from my own experience: I was GChatting with a friend and my producer mentioned we needed a photographer for a segment in an episode. So I mentioned that to who I was chatting with and got in touch with one of his friends. We didn’t end up using him but now I have an extra contact in my network. Additionally, I understand my business is different than most but thinking about things outside of work can help you “think outside the box” to use BusinessSpeak. It can lead you to places you wouldn’t have ventured without it, spur creativity and help the company’s bottom line.

I’ve recently been getting into Mad Men and it’s a great example of this cultural ideology. Clearly, it’s a little extreme with the drinking at work and the sexual harassment, but it shows how giving your employees a clear berth can be beneficial. Don Draper doesn’t give a shit if you drink at work, pass out and wake up 5 minutes before your presentation, as long as you nail it. Likewise, if your company has deadlines for employees and they enforce them, who cares how employees get their work done as long as it gets done and is up to par? Too many companies are Big Brother-y, and in the immortal words of one Erick Posser,  need to “REELLAAAAXXX.”

As an added bonus, there’s even new government legislation that entices businesses to not only chase profits but also keep their employees, or even the environment, in mind when making decisions.  Such “B Corporations” include King Arthur Flour, the 2nd largest flour-making company in America, and are immune from lawsuits by shareholders based on profit grounds. This basically translates to shareholders being unable to sue when companies make decisions that favor their employees over their bottom line. While this legislation is available in only 4 states, it’s a good start in making businesses legitimately tolerable places to spend ¾ of your waking hours of the week.

Maybe I’m just spoiled working in the industry I work in, but I think everyone should be allowed to surf the web and otherwise kill time to their desire at work as long as their work is quality and on time. Work hard, play hard.

Oh yeah: I promised this post would be NSFW so here:

You can read more about B Corp’s on the New York Times website here:


SomePeopleThink NBC Dropped the Ball…. and I’m not talking New Years Eve

SomePeopleThink awaking to the chirp of an incoming text message before 9 on Sunday morning can only mean bad news. I just didn’t realize the gravity of the situation.

You have got to be kidding me. There is one show that I actually make an effort to avoid missing each and every week – Perfect Couples. Sometimes I even bear through the commercials.

In a morning haze, I vaulted out of my bed, twisting and turning Black Swan style out of my sheets’ anaconda-like grip.  Racing to my computer, ‘prefcet cupples cancelled’ was the best I could do sans glasses or coffee. Google responded with what I knew was inevitably true. God. damn. it. Here are my five furious reaction to this story:

1) This show was brilliant (ugh, the past tense so soon…), like the second-coming of Friends, except with wittier dialogue, no obnoxious laugh track, and endings that always wrapped up happily but not in that yuppy, Full-House-esque way that nauseates most (see: Modern Family).  The characters weren’t one dimensional by any means, that besides occasional dabbles, weren’t an exaggerated stereotype. (Phoebe the weird chick and Joey the lovable idiot)… these characters had so much fleshing out left, that even mediocre storylines could easily be floated by this crew. And at risk of sounding sexist, the truth was that the 3 male leads in this show weren’t the 3 funniest characters (sorry Rachel… you may be the fondest in my heart, but everyone knows Joey, Chandler and Ross were the moneymakers). This show was spot on, it will be missed sorely.

2) NBC, in what somepeoplethink was a spectacular decision, stacked 5 of the funniest shows on television (maybe the top 5) in a row to dominate the Thursday night viewership (barring those who still can’t get over the novelty  of  the 27th rendition of American Idol…) Sheer brilliance.. Instead of sprinkling hit comedies throughout  the week and convincing viewers to tune in every night (not happening), they just put their eggs in one basket and provide me no reason to change the channel. It’s like NBC accrued the Phillies rotation of TV mainstream comedies and then traded Roy Halladay to tryout some AAA schlep…

3) Speaking of pitching rotations, the lineup ‘closes’ with a 6th show-  Outsourced. Which works nicely as a Brad Lidge comparison (hooray for dorky sports humor!) This show is awful in every sense of the word. Possibly racist, but certainly shallow, never surpassing  the lowest common denomination of humor. Every joke relies on the cultural rift between America and India, because America needs help being more ignorant. How the hell was this show not axed instead?

4) The show that’s replacing Perfect Couples is the Paul Reiser Show. You dont know who he is? Shocking! This replacement show chronicles the ‘road-back-to-normalcy’ of a once successful Sitcom star from the mid 90’s, who now wants back in the game. Enticing, huh? Despite the fact that we can watch this happen in real life with the stars of CougarTown and Mr. Sunshine (I really did like Friends, I swear), we clearly need a watered down, mainstream  version of  Curb Your Enthusiasm.

5) SomePeopleThink  the character Rex was quickly making a case for Best Character on TV alongside Tom Haverford (Aziz Ansari) and Dwight Shrute (if you don’t who he is then just nevermind…) His introduction of the ‘table-jump’ as a barometer on manliness was legendary, and Rex will be forever remembered despite this shows untimely ending. I am willing publicly wager anyone that he (Hayes MacArthur is the actor)  will appear in another show, playing a very similar character. Really NBC,  this was a terrible decision ( I am being polite since learning my mother reads this). If you could somehow muster up the courage to admit you were wrong, and re-air this show again next fall, the TV viewing world (the same people who coincidentally happen to be your customers) may forgive you….

Some People Think Sex & Drugs & House Needed a Remix and That They (and Jameson) Were The Man To Do It

As a retarded guy once yelled to me while peeing in the urinal adjacent to mine: “YO!…..SUP?” I’m shmek. This is my first post on here, the first of many to come. I hope you find them funny ’cause I sure as Hell do. To begin, I think you should know a few things about me. MLA citations for joke ideas from friends are kind of my thing. I’m a Yankees fan. I never take anything too seriously and neither should you; I write jokes so don’t be oversensitive. About anything. I’m a firm believer that everything is fair game and so is the Supreme Court (Lyle v. Warner Bros. Television Productions). So there’s that.

For my work on this blog, I thought I’d start with something I’ve had in my head for about 3 years that I finally got around to doing: a remix of D-Devils’ “Sex & Drugs & House.” There’s certainly a theme and if you’re a basketball fan, you’ll really enjoy it….otherwise you’ll just kind of enjoy it. Either way this is the first of many humorous (not to toot my own horn…but fuckin’ TOOT TOOT) ideas from my head that you can digest. Enjoy.

NOTE: You need to really bump this song. LOUD. I don’t know how to make it so you can download it from here, but make it loud!!!

D-Devils – Sex & Drugs & House (shmek Remix)

Afterword: An alternate title for this post is “Because Every Hero (or Minor NBA Roleplayer) Needs a Theme Song.” I had this idea that everyone in the NBA should have their own theme song, so why not Eddie? I’m not even a Celtics fan and I hate the Red Sox, but I always liked Eddie. Probably cause he played a similar game to how I played in CYO: spark plug off the bench, shooter, defense. So this came out of that. I also wanted to go to Celtics games and sell shirts that had “Sex & Drugs &” on the front and his jersey name and number on the back, but never did that either. Guess I’m a lazy fuck. Anyways, hope you enjoy this shit and I will see you again very soon.


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