SomePeopleThink There is a Right Way to Watch the Super Bowl

I don’t know if you know me, but I can get pretty hectic when watching the Patriots. I like watching the games a certain way and with that said, recently I learned that I would be having quite a bit of company at my apartment for the game. I figured the best way to ensure harmonious viewing is to create what I’ve call: The Super Bowl Booklet of Rules, Tips and FAQs for Proper Viewing Procedure to Ensure Harmonious Enjoyment of the Game. This booklet outlines how you should act when watching the Super Bowl in general; letting you know things you should or shouldn’t do during game-time.  If you print this booklet out on the day of the Super Bowl and leave it next to nachos, and I guarantee harmony and unity between all of you guests.

Go Pats,

-Piff

 

(Also: if you have an extra ticket to Coachella, tweet at me, I know its a long shot)

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SomePeopleThink Lacrosse Players Are Tricky

SomePeopleThink that if America refuses to accept soccer for what it is, then lets give lacrosse a serious look.

Some People Think Baseball’s In The Name

It’s that time of year.

No, not MayFest.

It’s time for baseball. Spring training is over, as are Opening Day and Opening Week. We’re already in full baseball swing and whether you like the sport or not, it has a lot to offer. Like Ozzy Guillen’s antics, the legendary Bob Uecker or if you’re a babe, Derek Jeter (omg he’s like, still hot). It also offers many funny names and has historically since its beginning . I’ve compiled a list of a few of my favorites below. Enjoy these humorous handles:

Jarrod Saltalamacchia – Fun name, cool nickname (Salty) & takes up a ton of room on the jersey.

And you thought you had trouble spelling your name in 1st grade.

J.J. Putz – I think I’d appreciate this guy’s name more if I were Jewish, but it’s still a great name and he lives up to the billing with that stupid soulpatch.

BYYYAHHHH!!!

Coco Crisp – Even though it’s not his real name, it’s still hilarious if your team has a cereal in center field. And he even helped the Red Sucks on their way to the World Series title in 2007. So I guess you can say kudos to Coco.

"I hope that's 2%! I specifically asked for 2%!!!"

Milton Bradley – While the player is always controversial, his name is near and dear to kids everywhere. Operation, Battleship, Life, Candyland; who couldn’t love a guy with that name? (Well, umpires Larry Vanover and Mike Winters, Cubs fans, Cubs GM Jim Hendrey, former Indians manager Eric Wedge and Royals announcer Ryan Lefebvre…but who’s counting?)

And yeah, he literally just got tossed out of a Mariners game as I wrote this post.

How can a guy with such a fun name be so angry?

Mike Sweeney – Say it fast. You’ll get it.

You had a rough childhood, didn't you?

Dick Pole – In the same vein (pause) as Sweeney, but taken an inch further (pause).

...aaaand Beavers for the win.

Johnny Dickshot – Let’s round out this trio of nether region-related names with the best of the bunch.

I think he has videos online. What? Those aren't his?

Antonio Bastardo – A man whose name would have been blasphemy in baseball’s early days. Currently, he’s 1-0 with a 0.87 ERA for the Phils. Babies born out of wedlock be damned.

Johnny Dangerously remake, anyone?

Harmon Killebrew – SHOTGUN!!!!! FRATERNITY!!!! BEER!!!!! CHUGGGGG!!!!!!!!!!!! GAHHHH!!!!!

Drink if your name ends in illebrew.

Rollie Fingers – Okay, besides the majestic mustache, Rollie’s name also doubles as a question.

No stopping me this time, Smee!

Rusty Kuntz – Do you really need a snarky joke here?

His face just screams "THAT THING NEEDS OIL!!!"

Melky Cabrera – Only because as a friend once screamed from the bleachers of Old Yankee Stadium, “I HAVE NIPPLES GREG, CAN YA MELK ME!?!?!” And because how could I not include a Yankee or two on this list?

The MelkMan Delivers!

Goose Gossage – Probably the most famous Goose of all time, other than the character from Top Gun. Or one of my fraternity brothers infamous for a lot of things, one being him saying “chili” after most coherent thoughts.

"But Daddy, I want a Golden Goose nowwwww!!!!!"

Phil Coke – Rounding out a trio of ex-Yankees, Phil Coke is probably my favorite Yankee name of all time. His name was a shitton of fun to make fake NYPost headlines with, like “Girardi Uses Coke in 8th,” “Coke Overdose Leads to Bloody 7th,” or “Yankees Trade Coke for Cash, Player To Be Named Later.” You are missed, sir. Somehow Freddy Garcia and Lance Pendleton just don’t fill the comedic void.

Sometimes art imitates names.

Heinie Manush – Digging deep into the annals of baseball history for this one (pause).  Heinie Manush was a Hall of Fame outfielder who played mostly with Detroit and Washington. His nickname, while common at the time, holds up well today for a laugh. An immature and hilarious laugh. 7-year-olds everywhere UNITE!

Fun Fact: his name also rhymes with "tush"

Madison Bumgarner – I mean, it’s pretty obvious. Plus he has a girl’s name.

Bumgarner, (n) def: One who garners bums

Grady Sizemore – Proud name for a guy. Good thing, seeing that Little Grady was plastered all over the internet after a crazy chick hacked his girlfriend’s email and posted nude pics of him online.

Two funny-in-hindsight things of note: The quote under the title, and the shameful Clemens news at the top

Who do you think has the best name? Vote below.

I’d like to thank The Gelb, McBeezy, The Great Mikesby and Piff for collaborating on this.

EDIT:

Ralph Pierre “Pete” LaCock – A 1st baseman mainly with the Cubs and Royals, known for hitting a grand slam on the last pitch ever thrown by Bob Gibson. Also know for having an aristocratic twist to his name. Thanks to reader Steve for the heads up.

For an elegant evening, try the '76 LaCock

Also, to answer 48colorrainbow‘s question: Coco Crisp has gone by “Coco” since AA ball professionally. It was a nickname from his siblings that stuck with him.

SomePeopleThink This Is Everything You Need To Know About The NFL Draft

Omg. O. M. G. It’s here. Christmas morning for the ultimate football nerd. I love the the NFL Draft like Katy Perry loves making super catchy pop hits. Enough with my blabbering though. You’re probably feeling a lot like it’s college all over again and your cramming for a big test – ya know, the ones where  information only needs to be retained for a mere one day, then it can vanish forever. Time is scarce. Unlike you fools, I have been prepping for this draft since May 1st of last year (just remember who to thank when you look like a stud at your buddy’s drat party tomorrow). I’ve thrown together the ultimate study guide. It’s like if Quora and Google bore a child of knowledge known as my mind. Questions, answers, predictions, and of course, a mock.  Easy and simple. Get to work:

Will this get nerdy?

Yes.

Is the draft the second best NFL event of the year?

Yes.

1) Kickoff Sunday

2) NFL Draft

3) The Superbowl

The Superbowl writes history for two teams, the draft helps determine every team’s future… plus the Bills are so far removed from the Superbowl, that the draft tends to be much more relevant for me…

Who is the best player in the draft?

Patrick Peterson. Just trust me… he is. He’s a name you come to know very well.

Who will go first overall?

Cam Newton

Who should go first overall?

Anyone but Cam Newton (see below). Patrick Peterson should go #1. Panthers have some good players on their defense already, and adding Peterson will solidify the defensive team identity and build around it (Remember, defense wins championships). Their offense needs a ton of help and one player won’t be the fix. Marcell Dareus would be a good pick too, but this is a division with great passers (Brees, Ryan, and up and comer Freeman who will be good). Peterson is a sure thing. Also, they drafted Jimmy Clausen last year which is why Cam Newton makes no sense… wait… hold on…

Will Cam Newton be a huge bust?

Yes.

Why?

He is a freak of a specimen. He is not an NFL QB. He has BLARING character issues. Like this will be the guy to run your franchise?  No effing way. Plus, his accuracy is sub par*. He played in a system at Auburn where he didn’t call any plays, and his passing plays almost never had more than two passing progressions (run was his third option). That’s not much more advanced than most highschool QB’s.

Back to my original point, Jimmy Clausen was drafted last year with their top pick.  Sure, he doesn’t have the upside of Cam, but he still has many of the same red flags. But the Panthers probably can’t afford to pay two young, top pick QB’s and truthfully, you’re very naive if you think you can evaluate Jimmy Clausen based on one half season on a terrible team. Remember, plenty of rookies suck their first year.

*Side Note: Passing power is the most overated quality when evalutating prospects; QB accuracy is far more valuable when translating to the NFL level.

Will there be lots of trading?

Yes… probably more so than in years past. The overall consensus on players is more muddled and fluid than in years past.

Will the Patriots make some deals with with 6 picks in the first 3 rounds?

Yes. But not at 17. The Patriots defense isn’t good. It is young, and loaded with upside (Mayo, McCourty, Merriweather and Brandon Spikes, to name a few), but not good.  Adding one more defensive line stud would quickly make this defense poised to be elite very soon.

At 28, expect them to trade down to acquire more picks. This is where, I believe, Andy Dalton will be selected – his stock seems to have caught fire this past week. I’d like the Bengals to move up and make a snag if they don’t go QB in the first.

Who is the most confusing player to predict?

Da’Quan BowersOnce a predicted top overall pick, now potentially a second rounder? Mostly because his stock fell so dramatically after the combine (which is a pretty short time to fall from grace). Curious to see where he lands.

How many QB’s go in the 1st Round?

4 – Newton, Gabbert, Locker, and Dalton.

Who will be the best dressed player at the draft?

Von Miller

Most interesting first round pick?

Minnesota Vikings. What they do could define how the rest of the first round shakes out.

Is the Thursday night format better?

Yes. Teams love it because it slows down a very hectic day. I like it because it breaks up a weekend filled with television.

ESPN or NFL Network?

NFL Network if you can get it. Better screen layout and they don’t spend 80% of their time on the top 10 players. Better personalities as well.

Team I forsee making a terrible decision:

Dallas Cowboys. This team is real confused. 

Top 3 Underrated Players:

1)   Jonathan Baldwin – WR Pittsburgh  – He may fall to the second round… so did Anquan Boldin. This kid will be a monstor, you heard it here first.

2)  Casey Matthews LB – Oregon – The measurable  difference between top prospects is marginal. You can’t measure genetics. At least I can’t.

3)  Nate Solder – OT – This kid is a wall. You can teach footwork technique but you can’t teach a man to become a  6’8 Minotaur.

 

Top 3 True Sleepers:

1)   Dontay Moch – ILB – Nevada –  This kid is a FREAK. Everywhere I look has him to the Dolphins in the 3rd… not sure why.  He’s gonna be good though and whoever gets him will have a steal.

2)  Ras-I Dowling – CB – Virginia – Named like a new computer processor, but he plays like a graceful swan.

3)  Muhammed Wilkerson –  DT – Temple  – He may wind up a unforeseen top 10 pick, probably a  top 20 at worst. He has a motor, and its certainly a hemi.

Top 3 Biggest Busts:

1)   Cam Newton – See above

2)  Anthony Castonzo  – OG – Boston College –  Has any one of the scouts even seen this guy play? He is miserable. I admit, I really am no expert at scouting o-lineman, but I can recognize  a guy who is slow off the snap and constantly getting burned. (Robert Quinn vs Anthoyn Castonzo)  I am honestly baffled at why the ‘experts’ have him so high.  Scope his senior bowl tape too if you don’t believe me. Hopefully the Patrtiots make their pick based on sentiment…

3)  Ryan Mallet – QB – Arkansas – Sure he has a rocket arm but his lack of decision making ability and inaccuracy are what will prevent him from ever being a good pro. And he’s a pretty big douche when he opens his mouth…

Coolest name in the draft?

Ben Ijalana, OT – Villanova

Could this be the most exciting draft ever?

Definitely. No one really knows what’s happening with this Lockout BS, but supposedly there is a solid chance that ‘informal’ free agency begins tomorrow.  Never have we seen teams shop for rookies and free agents simultaneously. If that happens, I would drain my life savings to sit in a war room tomorrow… It would be mayhem.

Should we be real?

Yea. That probably won’t happen. The truth is that this is one of the weakest draft classes to come out in the last decade.

Mock Draft

(This is what I predict WILL happen… not should.  And I don’t waste time trying to predict trades.  I know they will happen, but shuffling around my board would just be pure guessing…)

Carolina – Cam Newton QB Auburn – The Panthers will take Cam. Let’s face it. This way they can have this same pick again in 2016.

Denver – Marcell Dareus DT Alabama  – Again, a ton of needs. Try to build the trenches has always been Jon Fox’s formula…

Buffalo – Vonn Miller  OLB Texas AM – The Bills have so many needs that a trade would be wise, but Miller provides  needed linebacker help for a team hat has shown complete ineptitude at stopping the run and sacking the quarterback (especially in the 4th quarter) Gabbert would be wise here though.

Cincinatti – Blaine Gabbert QB Missouri– Carson is out. No decent QB free agent will consider signing with Cinci and Marv Lewis’ new contract relives pressure to win now. Gabbert is the best QB in this draft as he offers the whole package… I really like Gabbert’s potential.

Arizona – Patrick Peterson CB LSU – Arizona desperately needs a QB, but I’m guessing they will go the veteran route and sign a free agent (Orton, Kolb, Mcnabb, Young, Hill…) to keep Larry Fitz in town past next season .  Patrick Peterson is amazing value and will look great opposite DRC and in front of Adrian Wilson.

Cleveland – AJ Green WR Georgia – McCoy’s new toy.

San Francisco – Cameron Jordan DE  California – Harbaugh goes with a guy he knows well, who will compliment Patrick Willis well on a fierce defense.

Tennessee – Robert Quinn DE North Carolina– I don’t see them risking QB after what they’ve been through with Vince Young. Quinn has too much upside to pass on for this defensive minded team. QB will be taken later or via free agency.

Dallas – Nick Fairley DT Auburn – A big DT to play in the 3-4. Honestly, Dallas sucks, Dallas has more needs than people seem willing to admit so acquiring picks seems wise. With teams like Miami and Jacksonville trying to leapfrog Washington for a Jake Locker, I think a trade is likely. I’ll keep it simple for now.

Washington – Julio Jones WR Alabama– Good value for a team need..

Houston –  Prince Akunamara CB Nebraska – Although they took a CB last year in the first round, I think they still go with a great player that fills a team need.

Minnesota – JJ Watt  DE Wisconsin – They are in win NOW mode as they are simply one QB away- they will not take the best QB available  and go QB via free agency (Kolb makes the most sense here and the Vikings would be wise to exchange this pick for him straight up). I predict they replace Ray Edwards. With  possibility for a trade down with a team reaching for Locker.

Detroit – Aldon Smith LB Missouri –  CB could happen here as well if one of the aforementioned CB’s happen to fall…but look for the Lions to vamp up their LB core…

St. Louis – Muhammed Wilkerson DT Temple – Rams fill a big need with a defensive monster. I love this guy.

Miami – Jake Locker QB Washington- This team  will give Henne one more year while they groom Locker. His versatility may make him the newest twist in the Wildcat… if not the Dolphins, expect a trade here for Locker. He won’t make it past this pick.

Jacksonville – Da’Quan Bowers DE  Clemson – The Jags are the only team who suck more at drafting than the Buffalo Bills. Maybe something dumb like Ryan Mallet… but picking yet another DE seems likely. Does anyone else feel like that’s the only thing they draft in the 1st round ever?

New England –  Ryan Kerrigan DE Purdue – Just the type of guy Bellicheck loves. Great pick here. Hopefully Costazno goes instead and the Pats waste this pick…

San Diego – Nate Solder OT  Colorado – This team isn’t very flawed, but they could use help along a sometimes porous line. Carimi may be the better fit, but the Chargers have the luxury of drafting raw talent with high upside (Did you see his footwork at the combine???) Some sort of DE/LB is an option as well.

New York Giants – Gabe Carimi OT Wisconsin – A big physical OT to hopefully replace Kareem McKenzie at some point. If the Giants don’t have faith in Will Beatty, then maybe they need to get a left tackle that can handle speed rushers. Sherrod and Tyron Smith are still on the board too, and worth considering. The Giants’ offensive line needs a revamp, but Carimi fits their style.

Tampa Bay – Jimmy Smith CB Colorado –  The Bucs offense showed good progress with the emergence of Freeman, Blount, Mike Williams, and Kellen Winslow. Hopefully top picks Gerald McCoy and Brian Price will be healthy and able to contribute. Aqib Talib had 6 interceptions in 11 games but will likely be suspended this year. A corner to eventually replace an aging Ronde Barber is a good pick here.

Kansas City – Tyron Smith OT USC – Drafting well on the defense line has paid dividends for the Chiefs, now it’s time to start investing on the other side as this team matures.

Indianapolis – Corey Luiget  DT Illinois – You’ve never heard of him – but you should’ve. Although the Colts went D-line in the first round last year, Freeney and Mathis aren’t getting younger and run defense is a perennial problem for this team.

Philadelphia – Anthony Castonzo OG Boston College – The Eagles will welcome a guy who can immediately help prolong Michael Vick’s career… although I don’t see it…

New Orleans – Adrian Clayborn DE Iowa– Another DE to play opposite Will Smith. Once again, this team has the luxury of drafting BPA because this team lacks a glaring hole.

Seattle – Marvin Austin DT – North Carolina – Carroll is confident in his ability to develop young QB’s, so I could see Ponder or Dalton here. But the soft Seattle defense is still a priority and this guy makes the most sense from an immediate impact standpoint.

Baltimore – Brandon Harris CB Miami – Defensive players from Miami have worked out pretty well for this team in the past.

Atlanta – Allen Bailey DE – Pass rusher to compliment John Abraham. Although unlikely, another WR (Jon Baldwin see # 32) to compliment Roddy would be a great pick, I just don’t see them taking that route.

New England – TRADE with someone (San Francisco?) to land Andy Dalton… can’t wait to see what happens here…

Chicago – Jon Baldwin WR Pitt – While an OT like Derrcik Sherrod is a real possibility here. The Bears need a real receiver for Cutler. Baldwin will be a great match.

New York Jets – Phil Taylor – If he can stay healthy, this is a great value pick. Jets fortunate to have a position of need where it seems there is guaranteed to be an elite prospect. Rex, the same guy who drafted Haloti Ngata, replaces Kris Jenkins with a lot of man meat.

Pittsburgh – Mike Pouncey OG Florida – An upgrade at offensive line to help their abysmal line and pound the running game and keep Roesthisberger upright. Plus, the Rooneys are a smart organization and understand the value in putting together an o-line that has good chemistry.

Green Bay – Casey Matthews LB Oregon – SomePeopleThink I really am a sucker for these sort of brilliant PR moves.

SomePeopleThink This is the 7 Step Rehab Plan for Baseball

SomePeopleThink That Baseball is ‘America’s Pastime’. Well guess what, it’s 2011 and no one has any extra time that needs passing. Especially  not Monday through Saturday, between 7 and 10. Don’t get me wrong, I could not be more excited for Opening Day. Unlike most people who pretend to get excited for Opening Day, then forget about baseball for 3 months, I actually love this sport. Especially as a fantasy baseball whore ( I do such dirty things for my team you have no idea). The general consensus around baseball is “Yea, it could get better, but lets just play this heritage thing out cause if it ain’t broke, why fix it?” Except that’s what I thought about my iPod …until I found myself 30,000 feet above Tulsa sandwiched between a gastronomically active Indian man and a baby hellbent on taking all of his mommy’s bad parenting out on Flight 129. So here, is how SomePeopleThink Baseball can do a little preventative maintenance.

1) A Pitchers Clock – Baseball is too long. I know it doesn’t average much longer than the typical football game, but the investment/excitement ratio is way worse. And unless you are my 80 year grandfather, no one has enough time to sit down and watch a game. The game needs to get faster.  Like a shot clock in basketball, after every pitch, the pitcher then has 30 seconds to begin his windup. If not, automatic ball.

2) A Batters Clock – Likewise, the batter gets 10 seconds outside the box to do whatever – redo his gloves, adjust his junk, do sudoku… I don’t care. But he best be ready to swing in 10. If not, automatic strike….

3) Colorful Uniforms – Yea I said it. Why must every team be white at home and then some washed-out, dull, grey color when away. I want bold, crazy colors, and patterns like other sports. Why so serious?

4) Instant Replay – Human element is  valid excuse in a game like football where there are 1,000 things happening at once and it is impossible to catch it all. In baseball, everyone is looking at the same exact thing at the same exact time. I don’t know why we still need to pretend like human error needs to be part of the game. Outside balls and strikes, it wouldn’t be hard with  camera technology today to make sure everything else was accurate. A call is made, if the call is incorrect, it is reversed from upstairs a split second later. It would not slow down the game because it doesn’t take more than 4 seconds to watch a replay in baseball and make the right call (this isn’t usually needed more than a few times a game anyways, if at all). Armando Galarraga agrees….

5) DH or no DH – I am tired of hearing about the tradition of baseball. Like everything in America since 1900, it has always been changing and always will be. Enough with aserisks and who did what when; things happen and we fix it to make it better. Barry Bonds did steroids so we banned them. Having different rules for half the teams vs the other half  makes no sense. If your a pitcher, pray to god you go to the NL… you get 3 guaranteed strikeouts a game…

6) Move the Astros – Will someone please tell me why we have one division with 6 teams and another with 4? But both divisions send just one team to the playoffs even though every other division has 5 teams. Huh? Move the Astros to the AL West to create some intense Texas rivalry between them and the Rangers and then we have 5’s across the board. Very simple.

7) Music Stats – This is my favorite suggestion and needs to be implemented most urgently. When a player goes to bat, a song of their choosing is blasted over the stadium’s loud speaker. The fans never rarely hear this unless in attendance. How cool would it be if this information was available to the public…and recorded. I would absolutely love to know what Troy Tulowitzki has on his playlist. Instead of hearing announcers drone on about Nick Swishers BABIP vs lefty pitchers when its above 40 degrees, we could hear that he bats .315 after listening to ‘Turn Your Swag On’ by SouljaBoy but only .270 to David Guetta’s ‘Sexy Bitch’ (understandably so…) Think of al the fun analytics we just discovered (rap vs rock, a batting slumps correlations to music, what teams in different markets prefer and so on…). SomePeopleThink this would be a great way to inject fun into a sport that sometimes listens to it’s ego more than its fans…

SomePeopleThink you cant root for Uconn tonight if you’re a Syracuse fan

I most ‘cuse people I’ve talked to about tonight’s game couldn’t care less about whether Uconn wins, but as a fan of the Big East I feel as though have something invested in the game. Generally I’ll root against Uconn to lose in any given situation, even though they’re from the Big East, even though Jim Calhoun was born 35 minutes away from where I grew up, Connecticut is in New England (kinda) and a guy from my 7th grade baseball team played there for 4 years (J-E-F-F! JEFF! JEFF! JEFF!). All signs point to me liking Uconn, but I literally don’t think I’ve ever rooted for them before in my entire life. Well tonight I will, and here is why. It infuriates me to watch Chuck shit all over the Big East in post-game coverage while he and Kenny aren’t even analysts of NCAA ball; they have zero business being in that studio. I can’t stand the fact that my bracket has all Big East teams going deep (8 in the Sweet Sixteen out of straight loyalty), while they all shit the bed too damn early. And it frustrates me to no end when I think that after having 9 Big East teams in the top 25 to end the season, there are two in the Sweet Sixteen. It sucks. I’m embarrassed for all the shit I talked about the ACC and Big Ten.  Uconn needs to go deep in this tournament to redeem the Big East, just like Louisville did last year. Because of all that, tonight I’ll be rooting for the University of Patheticut. Tough for me to say, but I feel like I had to explain myself.

Anyway the real reason for this post was to put up some awesome Jordan brand commercials about college basketball, first one is relevant to Uconn, the second one is just because I love it.

Go Orange

-piff

(Thanks to Amanda McCarthy for the video, she was my muse on this one.)

SomePeopleThink Matt Cooke is the biggest scum-bag in professional sports

For those who dont know this low life, Matt Cooke is the poster boy for hockey players who attempt hits, check that, cheap shots on players with the intent to injure. On March 7th of last year, he laid a blindsided shoulder directly to the head of Bruins Center, Marc Savard (below), a hit for which he was not suspended by the NHL. Savard has not returned in full form yet, as he still suffers from the effects of concussion he received.  Since this time, similar such hits to the head have been banned by the NHL, however fines and suspensions have been wildly inconsistent and many say soft. Until now.  This past Sunday on national TV, Cooke administered a similarly dirty hit to the head of Ryan McDonagh of the Rangers (also below).  McDonagh was dropped with an elbow to the face from Cooke, as he came in from his blindside. Yesterday the NHL dropped the hammer, suspending Cooke for the remainder of the season, the first round of the playoffs (a total of what could be 17 games) and fining him close to a quarter million dollars.

While I would have loved nothing more then to see this guy ride the bench for the rest of the year, it’s great to know that there are repercussions for hits such as these.  I loved it when the NFL did it this as well, and while Brandon Merriweather is one of my boys, the shot he took on Todd Heap what just unacceptable. Honestly he probably should have missed a game for that one too. Anyway it’s good to hear that this guy got what was coming to him, because he truly is a scumbag. He said he wants to change up his act.  Ok Matt Cooke, I don’t believe you.  The second he gets on the ice hes going to revert to his old ways of douche-baggery. And when he does, I hope someone drops his ass like Sean Thornton did the game after the Savard hit.

Last April, after Cooke pretty much ended Marc Savard’s carrear, he attempted to do similar damage to Atlanta Thrashers 18 year-old rookie, Patrick Evander Kane.  Seeing the turned around 18 year old on the boards, he pumped his skates and tried to throw an elbow into the back of Kane’s head, which he missed. What Cooke probably didn’t know at the time was that Kane comes from a family of boxers. As a matter of fact he was named after Evander Holyfield, and his father and cousin were both boxers (his cousin fought in the ’92 Olympics in Barcelona).  So when Kane noticed the attempted cheap shot, he immediately dropped his gloves and in one punch, left Matt Cooke laying motionlessly concussed on the ice shivering like a new born baby.  I have no pity for this guy, thats what you deserve when you try to cheap shot at a 18 year old kid fresh out of high school, I hope the NHL keeps this up and continues to suspend players who try to end other players careers.

Check out the videos of all three hits below:

The hit he should have gotten suspended for:

The hit he did get suspended for:

The attempted hit he got his ass kicked for:

Suck it Matt Cooke.

-piff

SomePeopleThink Owls and Soccer Balls are Interchangeable

SomePeopleThink Luis Moreno is going to prison. Moreno is a professional soccer player in Colombia who faces up to three months in jail for kicking an opposing team’s lucky owl, which had been been hit by a ball after landing on the field Sunday. The owl died Tuesday. The owl was considered a good luck charm for the Atlético Junior squad in Barranquilla and lived in its Metropolitan Stadium. The incident was aired on national television and prompted widespread outrage, and not just from Junior fans. Environmental groups urged sanctions against Moreno and called for protests at the National Soccer building in Bogota.

Moreno apologized, saying it was not his intention to harm the bird, and that he, “just wanted to see if it could fly”…

Here is the video and my 5 reactions from this bizarre story.

5 Reactions to This Story:

1) HEDGEWIG!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!

2) No wonder this coward plays defense. Did you see that kick? If you’re going to murder the opposing team’s already wounded lucky owl by kicking it, and you’re a professional soccer player – you better punt the shit out of that bird (Randy Johnson style…).

3) Columbian environmentalists are outraged by this??? I mean, this is the same country where the word ‘mule’ elicits images of humans rather than donkeys, right?

4) Why was the bird just lounging on the field before being pelted by the ball? Why wasn’t this thing in a cage? Could you imagine if that was permitted in America? Like, if Texas just let their longhorn graze on the field during a game… actually, as I scroll through mascots in my head, this is getting more and more awesome….

5) SomePeopleThink Luis Moreno should fire his translator. He thought the question asked, ‘How many kicks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop?’.

SomePeopleThink he wasn't so lucky after all...

SomePeopleThink This is How the 1st Round of the 2011 NFL Draft Will Pan Out

SomePeopleThink this is how the first round of the NFL draft will play out in April. Actually, it definitely won’t – because with the combine and Pro days yet to come, stocks will inevitably rise and fall. Shout out to Fred Horsman for all of his help on this – he is the official SPT NFL Consigliere (and by ‘help on this’ I mean basically composing most of it).  This is a solid baseline and  as April moves closer I will begin to define the rules for my annual NFL Draft Game…
  1. Carolina – Da’Quan Bowers DE Clemson– The Panthers have a lot of needs but a good pass rush can make up for other short comings on the defense. The panthers take Bowers in an attempt to fill the vacancy left by Julius Peppers.
  2. Denver – Marcell Dareus DT Alabama  – Again, a ton of needs. Try to build the trenches has always been Jon Fox’s formula…
  3. Buffalo – Nick Fairley DT Auburn – The Bills have so many needs that a trade would be wise but Fairley provides  provide an inside presence  for a team hat has shown complete ineptitude at stopping the run (especially in the 4th quarter) Gabbert would be wise here though.
  4. Cincinatti – Blaine Gabbert QB Missouri– Carson is out. No decent QB free agent will sing with Cinci and Marv Lewis’ new contract relives pressure to win now. Gabbert is the best QB in this draft as he offers the whole package… I really like Gabbert’s potential.
  5. Arizona – Patrick Peterson CB – Arizona desperately needs a QB, but I’m guessing they will go the veteran route and sign a free agent (Orton, Kolb, Mcnabb, Young, Hill…) to keep Larry Fitz in town past next season .  Patrick Peterson is too good to pass up and they need someone opposite DRC.
  6. Cleveland – AJ Green WR Georgia – McCoy’s new toy
  7. San Francisco – Vonn Miller OLB Texas AM – Possible trade here with Newton and Mallet (QB stocks will have risen by then). But the Willis/Miller Combo sounds like it could be the next Lewis/Suggs type duo.No disrespect to Ray.
  8. Tennessee – Robert Quinn DE– I don’t see them taking Cam Newton after what they’ve been through with Vince Young. Quinn has the too much upside to pass on
  9. Dallas – Cameron Jordan DE – A big DE to play in the 3-4. Honestly, Dallas sucks, Dallas has more needs than people seem willing to admit so acquiring picks seems wise. With teams like Miami and Jacksonville trying to leapfrog Washington for a QB, I think a trade is likely. I’ll keep it simple for now.
  10. Washington – Cam Newton QB – Oh shiiiit. Washington is in need of a QB. Also, Shanahan has had success before with mobile, big-armed QB’s. It makes sense. Too bad for Redskins fans they will have to wait another 3 years before this bust unfolds Redskins are the Mets of the NFL. Newton may drop though as April nears.
  11. Houston – Prince Akamura  CB – Sometimes best player available and position of need coincide perfectl.
  12. Minnesota – JJ Watt  DE Wisconsin – They are in Win NOW mode as they are a QB away- they will take the best QB available  (Mallet) if they don’t go QB via free agency (Kolb makes the most sense here and the Vikings would be wise to exchange this pick for him straight up). I predict they replace Ray Edwards.
  13. Detroit – Aldon Smith LB Missouri– Julian Peterson is the Lions best LB and he is getting pretty old. CB could happen here as well if one of the CB’s below improves stock or one of the top two fall…
  14. St. Louis – Julio Jones WR – A weapon for Bradford to throw to…. .
  15. Miami – Mark Ingram Rb Alabama – Ricky and Ronnie are out of Miami this off season. Immediate impact player.
  16. Jacksonville – Ryan Mallet QB– Jacksonville finally nails their franchise QB (I could see them swapping with Dallas and going Mallet at 9.
  17. New England –  Ryan Kerrigan DE Purdue. I can almost guarantyee the Pats don’t pick here as everyone expects them to do a bunch of wheeling and dealing with 6 picks in the first 3 rounds.  This guy is legit op 10 (maybe even 5) talent – the depth of defensive line talent this year costs him. Either the Pats swipe him or someone else does.
  18. San Diego – Nate Solder OT – This team isn’t very flawed, but they could us help along a sometimes pourous line. Carimi may be the better fit, but the Chargers have the luxury of drafting raw talent with high upside (Did you see his footwork at the combine???) Some sort of DE/LB is option as well.
  19. New York Giants – Gabe Carimi OT– A big physical OT to hopefully replace Kareem McKenzie at some point. If the Giants don’t have faith in Will Beatty then maybe they need to get a left tackle that can handle speed rushers. Sherrod and Tyron Smith are still on the board. The Giants offensive line needs a revamp.
  20. Tampa Bay – Brandon Harris CB – The Bucs offense showed good progress with the emergence of Freeman, Blount, Mike Williams, and Kellen Winslow. Hopefully top picks Gerald McCoy and Brian Price will be healthy and able to contribute. Aqib Talib had 6 interceptions in 11 games. A corner to eventually replace an aging Ronde Barber is a good pick here.
  21. Kansas City – Tyron Smith OT – Drafting well on the defense line has paid dividends for the Chiefs, now it’s time to start investing on the other side as this team matures.
  22. Indianapolis – Corey Luiget  DT – You’ve never heard of him – but you should’ve and will rise as the draft nears. Although the Colts went D-line in the first round last year, Freeney and Mathis aren’t getting younger and run defense is a perennial problem for this team.
  23. Philadelphia – Jimmy Smith CB Colorado – Asante can’t do it alone. LB is also an option here.
  24. New Orleans – Adrian Clayborn DE – Another DE to play opposite Will Smith. Once again, this team has the luxury of drafting BPA because this team lacks a glaring hole.
  25. Seattle – Jake Locker QB Washington – Yea, I’m a sucker for hometown pick like these. But Seattle has the luxury of a year or two grooming period Locker needs.
  26. Baltimore – Mike Pouncey OG Florida – An upgrade at offensive line to help the Ravens pound the running game and keep Joe Flacco upright. If Jimmy Smith or Brandon Harris falls here, they are big options as well.
  27. Atlanta – Allen Bailey DE – Pass rusher to compliment John Abraham. Although unlikely, another WR ( Jon Baldwin see # 32) to compliment Roddy would be a great pick, I just don’t see them taking that route.
  28. New England – Justin Houston LB Georgia– Perfect value for a position of need
  29. Chicago – Jon Baldwin WR Pitt – While an OT like Derrcik Sherrod is a real possibility here.
  30. New York Jets – Stephen Paea DT Oregon State – If he can stay healthy, this is a great value pick. Broke the all-time bench press record at the combine… with authority. Rex, the same guy who drafted Haloti Ngata, replaces Kris Jenkins with a lot of man meat.
  31. Pittsburgh – Danny Watkins OG – Disappointed that Pouncey is already off the board to division rivals, Pittsburgh settles for next best available..which isn’t a bad consolation prize at all
  32. Green Bay – Casey Matthews LB – Oregon – SomePeopleThink I really am a sucker for these sort of brilliant PR moves.

SomePeopleThink soccer shouldn’t advertise in the US

I’ll admit, it took me a while to get into. It’s slow and when you dont know the players, it can be downright boring. Well there is a solution to that half, start playing Fifa 11.  Not only is it the best xbox/ps3 game on the market, you will also learn all of the players on the good teams within a matter of weeks. Sadly, this is how I first became a fan of soccer. The second part comes from watching the best players in the game go at it.  I wanted to share two commercials from rival shoe companies staring F.C. Barcelona teammates, and  international and ballon d’or rivals (soccer’s MVP); Andrés Iniesta and Lionel Messi.

Andrés Iniesta

Lionel Messi


I love the dynamic in soccer that allows club teammates to become bitter rivals in international play, it’s something other sports just can’t replicate on the same level.  In the second video you see Messi carving up the Spanish defense, taken from a 4-1 Argentina victory over Spain in a friendly in Sept. ’10. Messi scored in that game, while Barcelona teammate Iniesta played against him for the first half. Last month Messi won the Ballon d’Or for the second straight year, while Iniesta finished second in the voting with a respectably high percentage of the vote. Currently these two players are fighting for both a Champions League and Coppa de Rey cup with Barcelona, while the club still leads La Liga 5 points over Real Madrid.

These are two impressive commercials for two very impressive players. I love stumbling upon them while on youtube or on various blogs because they so obviously wont be on American tv, which to me is a shame.  All this being said, I don’t want to give too much props to these Barca cats because while they may be winning trophies and getting sponsorships, Sergio Ramos and Cristiano Ronaldo are taking down all of the good looking women in Madrid (and beyond). And trust me, Spain is a good place to be cleaning up. Seriously, has there ever been a better pussy crushing tandem in history than these two? If you google “Sergio Ramos” most of the pictures that come up are half-naked smokeshows poolside all up on him. And there are top 20 lists for celebrities babes that CR7 has banged. I’d be surprised if there were any good looking Madrileñas in the whole city that didn’t walk funny. Real talk.

-piff

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