SomePeopleThink this is how the 2012 NFL Draft will turn out…

Some People Think I am a huge dork. I figure I should post this online if I am going to be non stop tweeting about it all night. I love the draft. Love it more than christmas. Below I have posted my mock draft – albeit in pretty sloppy fashion with very little analysis. Why? Because who the heck cares what I think. Here are some points I would like to establish beforehand

• I know this draft will involve more trading this year, because there seems to more differentiation about player rankings than in years past.
• That means my mock draft becomes pretty ugly pretty quickly
• My draft contains spelling errors, poor formatting, and a general lack of aesthetic effort. I am fully aware. It becomes irrelevant in 3 hours. Relax.
• Here’s how I rate my effectiveness of my mock:

1.  5 points for correct player to correct team  in correct spot
2. 3 point for correct player to correct team
3. 2 points for correct player in correct spot
4. 1 point for correct position to correct team in correct spot

• simple right?
• I try to do what I solely think will happen, but that vanishes pretty quickly as my wishful hinting gets closer as the drafts impends (i.e. matt khalil sliding to the bills)
• The Jaguars will trade out of spot #7
• Luke Keuchly will is the best front 7 guy to come out of this draft
• Chandler Jones is my favorite defensive prospect, his bother is Bones Jones the MMA star, and I personally witnessed his other brother, Art Jones, break comes face (no really, his face) in two punches. I am a big believer in genes
• Ryan Tannehill has bust written all over him which is why I think he’s perfect for the Dolphins
• RG3 is my favorite prospect to come out of the draft in about a decade. Im ecstatic i get to see him play in DC this year. I have been on his bandwagon for about a year, year, I have the evidence. just ask.
• Please refrain from name calling about how miserable my mock is, I know, I’m not very good at this. Please defer to SPT’s NFL insider Fred Horsman. 
• Happy 2012 Nfl Draft. Please tweet at me @thegreatmikesby for insight.. it will make me feel cool for a minute

		Freds Mock Draft				Mike’s Mock Draft
	team	player	position	school			player	position	school
1	ind	andrew luck	qb	stanford		ind	andrew luck	qb	stanford
2	was	Robert Griffin	qb	Baylor		was	Robert Griffin	qb	Baylor
3	min	Matt Kalil	ot	usc		min	morris claiborne	cb	lsu
4	cle	trent richardson	rb	alabama		cle	trent richardson	rb	alabama
5	tb	morris claiborne	cb	lsu		tb	luke kuechly	lb	bc
6	stl	justin blackmon	wr	ok st		stl	justin blackmon	wr	ok st
7	jac	fletcher cox	dt	mississippi state		jac	stephon gilmore	cb	sc
8	mia	ryan tanenhill	qb	texas a&m		mia	ryan tanenhill	qb	texas a&m
9	car	michael floyd	wr	notre dame		car	fletcher cox	dt	mississippi state
10	buf	Quinton Coples	de	unc		buf	Matt Kalil	ot	usc
11	kc	david decastro	og	stanford		kc	dontari poe	dt	memphis
12	sea	luke kuechly	lb	bc		sea	Quinton Coples	de	unc
13	ari	reilley reiff	ot	iowa		ari	michael floyd	wr	notre dame
14	dal	stephon gilmore	cb	sc		dal	mark barron	s	alabama
15	phi	dontari poe	dt	memphis		phi	melvin ingram	de	sc
16	nyj	mark barron	s	alabama		nyj	david decastro	og	stanford
17	cin	dre kirkpatrick	cb	alabama		cin	dre kirkpatrick	cb	alabama
18	sd	courtney upshaw	olb	alabama		sd	whitney mercilus	de/olb	illinois
19	chi	janoris jenkins	cb	north alabama		chi	reilley reiff	ot	iowa
20	ten	michael brockers	dt	lsu		ten	chandler jones	de	syracuse
21	cin	cordy glenn	og/ot	georgia		cin	cordy glenn	og/ot	georgia
22	cle	melvin ingram	de	sc		cle	stephen hill	wr	georgia tech
23	det	chandler jones	de	syracuse		det	courtney upshaw	LB	alabama
24	pit	donta hightower	ilb	alabama		pit	donta hightower	ilb	alabama
25	den	devon still	dt	penn st		den	michael brockers	dt	lsu
26	hou	kendall wright	wr	Baylor		hou	Jonathan Martin	LT	stanford
27	ne	whitney mercilus	de/olb	illinois		ne	kendall reyes	dt	uconn
28	gb	kendall reyes	dt	uconn		gb	shea mcclellin	lb	Boise st.
29	bal	peter konz	c	wisconsin		bal	peter konz	c	wisconsin
30	sf	Amini Silatolu	og	fsu		sf	Reuben Randle	wr	LSU
31	ne	stephen hill	wr	georgia tech		ne	harrison smith	S	notre dam
32	nyg	doug martin	rb	boise state		nyg	doug martin	rb	boise state

SomePeopleThink I Broke too Much Stuff

I broke a lot of stuff.

I feel pretty bad about it, and pretty weird that my immediate response to this loss was to destroy a lot of stuff. Like A LOT of stuff. I dont know what to say, maybe I’m just passionate to a fault. That’s certainly a reasonable assessment of the facts. My roommates were pretty pissed at me, that was also and is pretty reasonable. I really fucked a lot of shit up. Nothing irreplaceable, but definitely enough to get noticed by anyone in the area. I probably broke my hand again too. I didn’t used to do this. I swear I used to just sit in my room quietly and torture myself by watching postgame coverage, but I didn’t this time. I had to throw my freaking remote through the wall. I really spend a good half hour destroying stuff. My roommates let me just tire myself out, which was probably the best move. I was just too angry and unreasonable for rational, people to talk to. I’m probably loosing some money on my security deposit when I look at it as a partial observer. I mean there is no way I should get away with this. My apartment is on my second floor, and my neighbor were peering at me while I was hucking beer bottles and chairs into their back yard. I’ll probably be on youtube under something like: “insane Pats fan crazy after team loses” by the end of the day. They deserve to be pretty angry at me right now, this isn’t how adults generally act. I like say that when I’m out at 3PM getting drunk and partying on a Saturday, but I mean it then as a positive. Now I just feel sorry for myself. I woke up at 4:30 this morning and just couldn’t go back to sleep. I laid in my bed, ice grilling the ceiling for like 3 hours, thinking about how I am going to fix the sheetrock. I accidentally put my hand through that. I really don’t want to talk about the game. Frankly I don’t remember enough about it to have a lucid conversation about it. By the third quarter I was so nervous, I was taking shots just about ever possession. My roommates really took it in stride, I really have to thank them for that. That said I’m not sure if my neighbors will however. I think one might have a kid. I’d be scared if I was that kid. I mean there were tables, chairs, and cinderblocks flying off my porch, what logical person wouldn’t be scared? And I’m not even hungover either, thats the weird part. I’m totally burt out for the game, and I’m furious and in straight depress-mode from the loss, but I’m not even hungover. I was drinking a lot, and if you know me you know I’m the most miserable person on Satudays and Sundays. It’s just crazy that I went this wild. I think it all stems from how spoiled as a sports fan I am. From Syracuse to the Bruins last year, I’ve just had an incredibly successful sports career. I’m just terrified that it’s not going to continue. The other worst part is that I made this stupid fucking bet with my Giants fan friend that the loser has to go see Ghost Rider 2: The Spirit of Vengeance by themselves. What a dumb fucking bet. Like what kind of cocky asshole would agree to a fucking bet like that, hu? And I need to write a review of it too, thats the other part. I need to write a 500 word review of that fucking movie. What a freaking moran I am. Like seeing Ghost Rider 2: The Spirit of Vengeance alone ever got anyone laid. Fuck me (but actually dont because I’m seeing Ghost Rider 2: The Spirit of Vengeance by myself on opening night). My head hurts also. No idea what happened there. I woke up this morning and stepped on huge piece of destroyed remote control, that really made it real for me. Then I noticed the empty bottle of Knob Creek in my recycling, I dont remember finishing that. Ya, thats right I recycle. Anyway I don’t want to get too sorry for myself because frankly I’m doing much better than I was in 2007. No hangover, no papers to write, no living in a New York city, no potential perfect season shattered. Those three right there make my life about 80% easier. That said I should probably go deal with my destruction, I have a table, gatorade jug, 15 bottles, 6 bags of trash, a remote, pieces of a broom, a cinderblock, 3 chairs and about 50 cigarette butts to pick up.

-pif

 

SomePeopleThink There is a Right Way to Watch the Super Bowl

I don’t know if you know me, but I can get pretty hectic when watching the Patriots. I like watching the games a certain way and with that said, recently I learned that I would be having quite a bit of company at my apartment for the game. I figured the best way to ensure harmonious viewing is to create what I’ve call: The Super Bowl Booklet of Rules, Tips and FAQs for Proper Viewing Procedure to Ensure Harmonious Enjoyment of the Game. This booklet outlines how you should act when watching the Super Bowl in general; letting you know things you should or shouldn’t do during game-time.  If you print this booklet out on the day of the Super Bowl and leave it next to nachos, and I guarantee harmony and unity between all of you guests.

Go Pats,

-Piff

 

(Also: if you have an extra ticket to Coachella, tweet at me, I know its a long shot)

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SomePeopleThink This Guy Might Actually Have Pumped Up Kicks

SomePeopleThink the robot is just the bailout for white people when they get pressured into the middle of the dance circle. SomePeopleThink dubstep sounds like a person beating the shit out of a Sega Genesis with the volume turned up on high. SomePeopleThink its great to dance to.  SomePeopleThink slow motion doesn’t exist. SomePeopleThink America will happily pretend to not understand the lyrics of a song about a kid plotting a terrible school shooting because the beat is just so irresistibly catchy…. This guy is not some people.

Watch until at least the 2:30 minute mark

SomePeopleThink Mario Should Just Say F it

In life, it’s important to give props where props are due… and the video below, about Mario and Luigi and the stupid shit they have to deal with because of Princess Peach, deserves a lot of respect.

Told you so... Shout out to Pisani for this

And sure, I could tie in the fact that I’m going as a sexy ass Luigi this year for Halloween. And sure I could also mention that I rocked the shit outta that outfit as a college freshman, but I would deem that stuff as pointless. I will refrain from including that super cool information in this post.

But yea, this is one of the best single-actor, single-camera skits I have ever seen on YouTube… or anywhere for that matter. The star of this video is Kain Carter, a hopeful comedian, whose YouTube channel is known as HotDamnIRock.

Specifically, I want to call out his acting. It’s pretty fucking legit. Sure the introduction is hilarious (most of his videos are him talking about absurd ideas and issues, I encourage you check those out as well), but the real gold is after the 1:13 mark.

SomePeopleThink Reed Hastings Can’t Do Anything Right

SomePeopleThink its poor form to shit on the guy whose already down. I’d like to think I am better than that… but I’m not. I will keep this rant against Netflix CEO Reed Hastings short though, and avoid my angry ranting tendency…. Sort of.

Netflix used to be awesome. Although I still currently am a subscribed customer (for now) I literally feel like Netflix has become a bag of punch lines I make during small talk with strangers.

I reiterate, Netflix used to be awesome.

Then everything went terribly wrong. It’s like Netflix Execs sat around a table and decided to see how many things they could do to piss customers off while raising it’s stock price. Here’s what I mean…

Winter 2010: During my rampant LOST addiction and series marathon, the quality of my instant stream is the equivalent of free Internet porn. The remedy? A slew of emails asking ‘How was the quality of you viewing experience?’ Which really means, we know your quality sucks, and we aren’t going to do much about it, but this email shows we kind of care, but again, we definitely aren’t going to do much of anything to fix it (this will become a theme)

The last 2 years: Netflix boasts hundreds of instantly available movies via streaming, 97% of which are totally unwatchable, 2% are watchable with the aid of several grams of weed, with the remaining 1% containing something I am mildly interested in seeing, but most likely have already seen. Case and point: my fiancé and I once used to bicker about which movie to watch. Now we argue about whether or not the one any movie is worth 2 hour of time and then ultimately decide 2 consecutive hours of House Hunters International laden with commercials is still an upgrade.

July 2011: Reed Hastings sends a terse  email announcing it is jacking up prices with little explanation. Bastard.

August 2011: Netflix stock prices plunges

September 19th, 2011: Reed Hastings realizes that people hate him because of the price upgrade. So he sends a mopey email, which I have taken the liberty to paraphrase below:

Dear Customer,

Look I am super sorry I raised prices. I feel pretty bad bad, but charging more makes a lot of sense. Here’s why: because we have researched and found that our DVD via mail business and instant stream business are two VERY DIFFERENT business… even though I will provide no validation of explanation of this statement. To make this more apparent though, I will now actually just create two totally separate business’ that you now have to manage in two separate places – because separating something that was once convenient from one place into two totally different places  will make this way less confusing and cumbersome for you. I will even give this new company where you can manage DVD’s a brand new super vague name (Qwikster) that could be the name of literally any business in the world – from a 711 knockoff to a Cash-for-Checks establishment. DON’T WORRY THOUGH – the envelopes will still be RED because I figured changing the color would devastate you guys more than anything else. Again, don’t worry, the envelopes ARE STILL RED! Again, I realize I’ve probably pissed you all off and I feel really bad, but I am only like 70% sure of what I did wrong, and since I can’t identify the problem, I can’t possibly fix it – but I am making an effort…  look I even wrote this personal email to you.  Oh also, great super sweet news, we now offer VIDEOGAMES! Isn’t that awesome all of you prepubescent 13 year olds?!? So many videogames! Now you never have to make friends! Oh also, about the price raising thing,… its still not cheaper, but now you have two separate things on your bill which is probably easier for you.  That’s about all. Thanks!

Your pal,

REED HASTINGS (this guys name is also something that pisses me off but I realize that is probably unfair)

September 19th, 2011 a little later: Reed realizes that he forgeot to check if the Twitter handle for Qwikster was already taken. It is….by a weed smoking degenerate. See for yourself:

This is the only appropriate response I can think off

At least a new company name can’t possibly be a downgrade from Qwikster…

SomePeopleThink  Netflix officially sucks now. I have attached this cartoon I stole from the oatmeal.com in case you are still vague on exactly what happened. The bottom line is that Netflix is like 2 years away from becoming a Harvard case study on how to ruin a great business model with the worst customer service in the world. SomePeopleThink Reed Hastings needs to get this fixed fast before I just DVR my way out of Netflix forever.

SomePeopleThink Tim Tebow Is Proof That The NFL Media Sucks… as if any were needed

SomePeopleThink Tim Tebow is the golden boy. SomePeopleThink he is a guaranteed first round bust. SomePeopleThink if you’ve already put him in either of those categories you’re a moron.

It’s not easy knowing more about the NFL than almost everyone in the world (only almost since Jon Gruden is still alive). I recognize that its easier for the NFL Media to overkill one story to appease the wide population of NFL fans, aka America. This provide basic banter and hedlines for easy passing conversation. For NFL Junkies like me – it isn’t nearly enough, and it’s surely tiring  to watch ESPN dedicate 3 nightly segments per SportsCenter discussing the same ‘stories’ opposed to the comprehensive NFL coverage dorks like myself truly crave… and I know I am not alone. (NFL Network isn’t far behind…)

But amongst what has been maybe the most unique NFL offeseason in several decades, filled with what would be an endless pipeline of NFL stories for any half savvy NFL beat writer, we are stuck hearing about essentially the same 2 story lines all month. The ‘Dream Team’ (the only thing Vince Young will ever leave in the record books) and Tim Tebow Watch. I refuse to waste my time writing about the Eagles. So heres 10 reasons why this Tim Tebow coverage needs to end:

1) He has started 3 NFL games in his life. He went 1-2 with 5 TDs, 3 INTs and over 600 yards. That says a whole lot of nothing – good or bad.

2) He was drafted as a minimum of a two year developmental project. Anyone who has half a memory of  the 2010 NFL Draft surely remembers that he was drafted as a very raw talent, with immense upside, who would need several years of coaching and learning to become NFL ready. Across the board.

3) He has had 1 and a quarter offeseasons to prepare and learn the pro-level game. (mind you under two different head coaches, and two very different offensive philosophies)

4) He was drafted for his character, leadership, and work ethic tethered with great physical tools. Never was the possibility of him becoming an immediate starter, despite what the media has deemed the current expectation.

5) He is not a true pocket passer. Nor is Michael Vick, Aaron Rodgers, or Ben Roethlisberger. You can design offensive schemes around your offensive leader,  the Broncos would be wise to do so rather than fitting him into their mold.

6) All of this debate is about what was the 2nd to last worst team in the NFL next year. They are no where close to winning this year anyways. Who cares if they have to  chalk up a season to fostering his growth…

7) He is Tim Tebow. A money making machine. Just having him on the team makes the Broncos money – he pays for his own salary with his revenue draw. Running a franchise is business too.

8 ) Remember when he scored 6 running touchdowns last season in limited playing time.  Only 3 less than Vick in a fraction of the playing time. The same number as Steven Jackson, and one more than Mojo did last season. That’s interesting.

9) His ‘lack of QB accumen’ is based on primarily spectators watching the first two weeks of training camp after a 6 month lockout and a handful of preseason passing plays.

10) There are 31 other teams in the league. Each filled with interesting players and back stories. SomePeopleThink SportsCenter could spare a segment or two on them.

 

“SOMEPEOPLETHINK” This Is My Other, Other Benz Blog

I started another blog to update the world at large of my Brooklyn community. Well, one individual in particular that is imperative to our collective safety, quality of living and amusement. See it and enjoy here:

http://fatjewishguystandinginthesamespotinbrooklyn.wordpress.com

shmek

Things I’ve Learned from “Watch the Throne”…or SomePeopleThink White People are the Problem

This past Monday, at midnight, “Watch the Throne”, the highly anticipated album from Kanye and Jay-Z, became available on iTunes. On Tuesday, I downloaded it illegally and have been listening to it non-stop ever since. I literally have not listened to anything else (save for some Disco Biscuits, courtesy of my dirty hippie boyfriend).

I can't even think of a joke for the absurdity of this album cover.

Anyways, I was first going to write a review of the album for this post but then realized there probably isn’t a whole lot more for me to say that hasn’t been said already. Google “Watch the Throne reviews” and you’ll come up with a whole lot of reviews written by much more musically-knowledgeable, articulate people (now is the time for a sympathy comment – “Jenny, you’re so smart and pretty!” Perfect.)

So, rather than a review, I’m going to write a listicle (list + article, Google that shit) for this post: Things I’ve Learned from “Watch the Throne”…or Some People Think White People are the Problem.

1. Kanye and Jay-Z are rich. Like really, really rich. And they really, really want us to know it. Now, rappers have been displaying extravagant, and often tacky, wealth for decades. One of my all-time favorite music videos, Biggie’s “Hypnotize”, has P. Diddy and Big on a yacht, spilling Cristal all over hundred dollar bills, then throwing more bills into the wind. This is – how you say – ridiculous.

But on this album, Kanye and Jay-Z have stepped up their game, not only with the amount of high-cost items they casually throw into their lyrics, but with the high-culture value of these items.

Doing just a quick survey of the lyrics from the album, the following are mentioned (and I will say, I didn’t even know what the hell many of these things were. Thank you, Google and Urban Dictionary, without whom this post could never have been possible):

Yachts, Louboutin slippers, Hummers, Rolls-Royce Corniches, black Maybachs, 1985 white Lamborghini Countach (2 of ‘em), Polo, Manolo, Lanvin thousand dollar tee with no logos, oversized Rollies, big face Rollies, Dries, sheepskin coats, no cheap cologne, the Black Card, Gucci, Audemars (hidden behind all these big rocks), gold bottles, Louie, Margiela, my other Benz (and my other, other Benz), G450, Hermes, marble floors, champagne, Grey Goose, cases of Ciroc, Porsche 911, black cars, so many watches I need eight arms, no limit on the Black Card

2. Kanye and Jay-Z are cultured. While ‘Ye and Jay want us to know they have more watches then any freakin’ human being should ever have, they also want to be quite clear that they are more cultured than any of us will ever be.

As Jay raps on “Illest Motherfucker Alive”:

Basquiats, Warhols serving as my muses
My house is like a museum so I see ‘em when I’m peeing
Usually you have this much taste you European

There are mentions of Picassos, boutique stores in Paris, Larry Gagosian, Le Meurice, Rothkos, the Mona Lisa, the MOMA, the Coliseum, Plato, owning 5 passports (though to be honest, this seems a bit of a liability), et cetera.

3. White people are most certainly the problem. After Kanye’s appearance on the Hurricane Katrina telethon, we all finally knew that “George Bush doesn’t care about black people”. What ‘Ye wants us to remember with this album is that it’s not just George Bush, but really all white people. We just suck altogether, and I really couldn’t agree more.

(skip to 1:33 for the best pop culture moment of the past decade)

A few of my favorite black-power lyrics from the album:

White America, assassinate my character –“Gotta Have It”

Heard Yeezy was racist, well, I guess that’s on one basis
I only like green faces –“Who Gon Stop Me”

In the past if you picture events like a black tie
What the last thing you expect to see, black guys? –“Murder to Excellence”

Only spot a few blacks the higher I go
What’s up to Will. Shout out to O.
That ain’t enough…we gonna need a million more –“Murder to Excellence”

And my all-time favorite, with Kanye rapping about his future son:

I mean I might even make him be Republican
So everybody know he love white people –“New Day”

4. Kanye and Jay-Z have a softer side. One of my favorite songs on the album, “New Day”, has ‘Ye and Jay singing to their future sons. (Of course, irony suggests that they will both be blessed with three or more daughters). The song is very sweet and reminds us that even bazillionaire rappers have feelings too, goddamnit!

5. Kanye and Jay-Z are interested in helping the economy. With the crazy American economy this week, “Watch the Throne” really couldn’t have dropped at a better time. Americans are freaking out, nobody has jobs, and who better to figure out how to stabilize the volatile markets than these two moguls? So, my dear readers, I leave you with these words of wisdom from Jay-Z, who may just be the Warren Buffet of our generation…

Mmm. Yummy.

I hit the club, order some Grey Goose
Switched it for Ciroc to give Puff’s stock a boost –“Primetime”

Peace and love,
Niffy

Death to SPT?

We haven’t posted in awhile. This I know. This we all know. But I promise it is not to death to SPT. Not on my watch. There are things in this world I will fight to keep alive, and this is one of them. In honor of our nondeath, I proclaim death to other things.

DEATH TO VAGUEBOOKING

"I hate Thursdays."

Vaguebooking, if you’re unfamiliar with it, is the act of posting vague things on your facebook in attempt to elicit sympathy. “Long day, I need the weekend,” “I just need one break,” “Worse day ever!!” and anything involving “FML” are all good examples. I’d rather see any humblebrag of minor celebrity run-ins or pictures of delicious looking food any day than Vaguebooking. So Death to Vaguebooking!!

DEATH TO THE NFL LOCKOUT

I never was a huge NFL fan, but I’m glad this lockout is over. Mainly so people will stop talking about it. But also because the sport is great and so many people love it. GO RAIDERS and Death To The Lockout!

DEATH TO GOOGLE+

Let’s all admit it: Google+ was a cool idea and seemed really cool when it came out. But now? It’s just another social media site we all don’t want to update along with our other 2, 3, 4, or however many else you have. It’s cool and all, but I think it’s done. Death To Google+!

DEATH TO HIPSTERDOM

"I don't believe in dentistry or paying taxes"

We get it. You bought into the counterculture culture of counterculturedom to show you have your own culture. You like your lensless clear Ray-Bans. You like Band X and Band Y and this and that and whatever else we all know about Hipsters. It’s time for the next trend. Really. I can only hope it involves something stripper chic and tennis visors. Death to Hipsterdom!

DEATH TO WOMEN’S SPORTS HATERDOM

As the Women’s World Cup proved, Women’s sports can be interesting and entertaining. I think we all agree they’re not the same as the big boy sports (ones with dudes) but they have their own place. Stop hating on them because it’s cool. I admit, I’m minorly guilty of this but fuck it, I endorse women’s sports if only to watch them on mute. Especially women’s beach volleyball (Misty May-Treanor and Kerri Walsh baby!!) Death to Women’s Sports Haterdom!

That’s the list for now. SPT isn’t on it. Because we’re still here.

Continue to enjoy our shit.

shmek